Friday, August 29, 2008

AP Parenting and Foster Care

i learned that San Diego Family Magazine will be publishing an article of mine entitled ' Attachment Parenting: What Is It? '. i'm very happy that my first published article is going to be about something i care so passionately about. i also mention a blogger here in the article, he's a dad who practices AP and his blog is Attached Parenting Blog. the editor isn't sure when the article is going to come out but guessed January, said maybe sooner.

my husband and i are looking into foster care. we are going to adopt at some point, and are open to adopting a child up to age three, but aren't financially ready right now. we are struggling while i make my way into this career and finish school. but fostering is something we could do now. we are looking at starting with respite care, which is when you take in children for a very brief time, like a weekend or a week, as emergency care until they are placed elsewhere. i have been very close with a girl who went through foster care; i watched her every step of the way from age 14 to now (she's 21) so i am intimately familiar with the system, and less 'scared' of the kids that i might have been, because of her human presence in my life to what is often left as a political or societal issue for many.

the organization we are looking through is called Angels Foster Care. they place babies to four year olds (primarily babies and small toddlers) in long term foster care, and 50% of their clients end up adopting.

i love our three children, and i love noise, bustle, energy, busy children, the way each has entirely their own dreams, thoughts, personalities, interests. it's fascinating to get to know your own children. i have always wanted a big family, i just hope that financially it is doable.

i'm drinking a Starbucks double shot with soy milk and a shot of half and half, and wondering how McCain's choice of VP is going to play out. i'm stoked on Hilary Clinton's speech and thrilled with Obama and Biden, and i loove Michelle Obama.

over and out

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

it's a hard knock life

I'm so happy to say that Opium print magazine will be publishing a poem of mine, ' after your phone call ' in their upcoming edition. I think they are a wonderful publication and I'm happy to be included with such great poetry. I let the editor make two editorial changes- capitalization of a few words, and contractions of 'i am' and after I gave the OK they sent the accept. It was interesting to see what an editorial eye saw in my poem, and the editors have been really gentle and friendly with me in our email exchanges.

So my son: last night was our third stay-upsolateyoureyesturnred-talk-cry-session, and he is starting his new school tomorrow. I transferred him to another public school because he can't get into the private Christian school until next year. The new public school has a different vibe of kids (less edgy and more dorky, which is WONDERFUL) and shorter classes, which will really help him with his attention problems. He starts the biofeedback on Sept. 2cd. He'll go three times a week for a few weeks, and then twice a week for a total of about 30 sessions.
He's so amazing that is pains me to think of all the kids he knows, equally amazing, who are being parented by neglect. Another friend of his, D, who is 13, has already overdosed on prescription drugs and almost died in the ER, thrown in jail on Spring Break, and his parents, exhausted from their older son's exactly same problems, have basically given up. I can't stand it. The boy is a BABY. I mean- thirteen? Do you remember being thirteen? You're still a chick in the egg, tapping at the shell and trying to figure out the whole deal. So I embarrassed my son and told his friend on the phone that if he needed any help quitting drugs or dealing with his feelings that I am here for him, and that we care about him. And still it feels futile. I wish I could reach in and yank him out and love him.

My daughter started first grade and is wonderful. She transitioned beautifully, and Ed, I and one brother all went to her first day and got her settled in her class. She was so cute with her Camp Rock backpack and big nervous blues.

Ian is at camp, his school doesn't start yet.

Ed and I managed, against all odds, to make some serious whoopie late at night the other day.
Rock on.

In news of no concern to anyone but me, our third vacuum has broken. This is what happens when your dogs shed more than Big Bird and stay inside a lot.

The private school I will send Dakota to next year is amazing. We went and saw the campus, all of us, and talked to admissions. Their website:
I got that gut feeling when I know something is going to be good or bad, and I've never been wrong. I've *ignored* it before, but never been wrong.

I'm thinking about the woman on the cover of NYT the other day, in Russia. Her wailing and her upturned grieving face against the background of demolished buildings. As the wicked witch says ' what a world, what a wicked world! ' It's hard to watch and be able to do nothing.

Did you guys know that I like big butts and I cannot lie?

Did you further know that I inhaled four tootsie pops last night? And that sugar suppresses your immune system by 50% for hours after you intake it?

may the fork be with you, and also the spoon.

Friday, August 15, 2008

back in the blogger again

oh my oh my oh myyy. the last two weeks have been like a small, stilled version of the last two years, with one painful issue after the other rearing it's head. however, there were positives, the main one being my family, my husband and children, and the flawed, at times floundering, but deeply devoted and loving unit we are.

another positive was that i received word from Magma magazine that they accepted three of my poems. there is a slight chance they might print less than the three, according to the editor, but she said they were pushing for all three. i'll find out in the beginning of sept. for sure. regardless of the amount in the end, i am thrilled, and this is my first magazine publication that wasn't a very small job. Magma is an exciting place to be a part of so i'm glad i gave em what they wanted.

i also received three rejections, and two silent voids of article subs i can't get a response on.

my son is 14 and struggling. i hesitate to write more out of respect for him. he's an amazing kid, bright and beautiful with that lit soul thing going on- people are always telling me they hope their kids are like him. he is incredibly in tune with people and has a high emotional IQ, in addition to being incredibly smart. he also has emotional struggles and has been deeply hurt when his dad moved away 4 years ago. his dad had a drug problem and moved away to go to a rehab, got sober, and still visits every other weekend for a few hours, but that obviously is not anywhere near the same as a present parent, and it's been a huge struggle for my son since.
i am on mother alert, and my husband and i are supporting him in every way. i am transferring him to a private school with small ratios, for one. and i am signing him up for a course of biofeedback. if you don't know anything about this treatment, look it up= it's amazing, the studies are very positive and biofeedback is used to treat anxiety, ADD, ADHD, depression, addiction and pain.

i am using yoga and diet changes to help my anxiety, which is very strong right now. i am lik ea child when it comes to my diet. it makes me angry that i can't just eat healthy and feel good. my system is so sensitive that if i eat gluten or sugars or caffiene, i get various upsetting symptoms like body pain, IBS, brain fog, fatigue, itchy skin, etc. so the last five days i've been eating a fruit, veggie and protien with a healthy carb (like brown rice) at every meal, and it's incredibly helpful. disciplining myself to do the yoga is embarrassingly hard, even though it's only a 20 min. dvd and makes me feel very relaxed.

life pulses / around me / as if i were heart, / heart moving darkling blood / a swan song in my neck / a stapled mourning band / at the cheek of my glove / small kindness, / you move me to tears / i am shadows flung across gravestones / older than my years / three times i threw the wishing penny / the fountain head, the bulky eyes, / goose shapes my hands / rise and fingers fly / the captive audience, / the fleeing maid / part of the same / poem and play

smootchie bootchies.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

rumpus room

I finished the Katharine Graham autobio, Personal History. It was interesting. Her public story revolves around the fact that she took over the Washington Post after her husband committed suicide at their farmhouse, a very sad story. He was bipolar and saw a doctor who thought medication was evil, so he struggled to deal with his illness without this kind of crucial help. After he killed himself Mrs. Graham ( a single mother to four ) took over the paper and during her years as its publisher she walked it through an amazing series of events. The chapters on Watergate were fascinating, the reveals on Nixon's handling of the Washington Post were scary, what a secretive and manipulative man he was. Katharine Graham is interesting personally, how much she struggled with bias against women and her own low self-esteem and constant feeling of failure. Her reflections on her family and her own person were especially interesting, she spent a kind of strange and nannied childhood feeling lonely. At one point her parents left her and her siblings to be raised by their nannies for a few years while they lived in DC! She persevered through an enormous amount of both personal and public struggle and stress to accomplish so much. It's strange reading an autobio around reading so many biographies. I prefer biographies, with exception.

My son is back from his trip to DC with his grandma, to visit my Uncle R and family. He came back with all the requisite pictures ( Vietnam memorial, WH ) and a stuffed 'space' monkey modeled after the real monkey who went to space, for his sister.

Lola wants to take ballet and tap. I want to find a class for her where they don't have to wear three layers of makeup ( cheek lip and eye ) every time they put on a show. There is something just gross about putting all that makeup on little girls that is different from when she plays with makeup at home and slathers it on.

Ian got a horrible contraption wired into his mouth that widens his jaw, which is too small.
It's better now but at first he was pretty unhappy.

Harry Potter killed a mouse in the sunroom. Lola cried. We carried him out and Harry stood, all shiny black and yellow eyes, panting that red tongued pant of the hunter. Hermione peed on the couch. Hagrid did a complete flip in the air when startled. Kagome peed on the couch.
Did I mention I had just had the couch professionally cleaned?

Four cats, Two dogs, Three children, the math is clear.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Marriage is the Weason We Are Gathad Here Togetha

This is my wedding day in La Jolla California in 2003. You can see we were clearly formed separately and then came together as a family. My husband Ed and I have been best friends since age 19. Sometimes you don't know until you know. Anyhow, there we are, left to right
* Ian
*Lola (she ate quite a few of the flower petals)

La Martine -- I wanted you to see this bouquet my mom made for me from her organic garden.
If you look closely you will see it is the most beautiful bouquet any bride could ever hope to carry! I adored it so much, it was my favorite detail from the wedding.
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