tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post2288251575669173127..comments2023-10-07T07:26:20.469-07:00Comments on Flux Capacitor: Mental IllnessMaggie Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14699674732274478502noreply@blogger.comBlogger42125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-17933529503212084882009-10-02T01:41:46.030-07:002009-10-02T01:41:46.030-07:00After reading this post, I let out a breath I wasn...After reading this post, I let out a breath I wasn't aware I was holding in, my shoulders relaxed, and I smiled, truly smiled, for the first time in as long as I can remember.<br /><br />Not to be completely morbid in a 'misery loves company' sort of way, but it really is a relief to know that I'm not alone, and that people do understand what it's like in my shoes.<br /><br />My family history is dotted with signs of mental illness, some more apparent than others, but without the ability to talk openly and honestly with anyone in my family, I'm still essentially in the dark as to where my own illness has come from and how I can cope with it. My partner's family has no recent history of mental illness, and as such I find myself completely unable to express to him what I'm going through.<br /><br />It's lonely, but I take solace in knowing that I'm not alone.Cathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13358744969846257947noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-76655005142471797072009-09-13T20:39:20.988-07:002009-09-13T20:39:20.988-07:00Maggie,
I hope this finds you well.
Reading this...Maggie, <br />I hope this finds you well. <br />Reading this post the other day had me thinking of many things that have happened in my life. I know a little about alcoholism, having had a an alcoholic father. I know little about depression, having suffered from it for many years. I know about child abuse and rape, having been a victim. I can be a control freak, I have OCD and I have been self-destructive. I still wake up in the middle of the night from time to time, remembering some of the things that have happened to me. Waking to horrible memories after 35 years can be painful, but I've managed to survive. <br />I think you are a survivor, Maggie. I would be happy to share and/or listen. Maybe for now your best medicine is your pen?<br /><br />Be well...<br /><br />beauxkyle@comcast.netSomething Happened Somewhere Turninghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17897631770669843340noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-28994436617470689282009-09-13T09:23:02.377-07:002009-09-13T09:23:02.377-07:00You are so self-aware and process things so beauti...You are so self-aware and process things so beautifully. I hope you can see that about yourself.<br /><br />I can't give you a laundry list of my family's *issues* because the first and foremost rule of my childhood/adulthood/reality was PRETEND NOTHING IS WRONG.Shanahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09332633230214817022noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-11618553555466994072009-09-12T14:04:31.408-07:002009-09-12T14:04:31.408-07:00my dad and stepmom are both recovering alcoholics,...my dad and stepmom are both recovering alcoholics, 20 years deep. starting in my teen years, i got to sit in on those rooms. aahmazing heart-breaking stories and my fathers voice 'watch out for your own alcoholism' my whole life. what an interesting world to have lived in...and come out of...richer for sure.Darcyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02506501649953006361noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-82261080844670584272009-09-11T23:00:25.025-07:002009-09-11T23:00:25.025-07:00Dear Maggie,
I can't say that it will get bet...Dear Maggie,<br /><br />I can't say that it will get better. I only know that it got better for me, once I started to deal with my childhood abuse, and I know you've done that work, and you continue to do that work, and I believe and know you are a survivor, and you can survive this, too. <br /><br />I'm the lucky one in my family. Of five siblings, I am the only one who has never struggled with alcohol, and my husband and I have chosen not to drink at all, because we've seen what alcohol has done to our childhood families. I can't take credit for that- it's simply my biology. <br /><br />I believe you will get to a better place. I'm sure you feel windows of peace already. About mental illness, I am not an expert, but I've read somewhere and it makes sense to me, that the hopelessly mentally ill aren't able to identify there is a problem. I believe you are going to be okay, and you are right, the worst thing to do is to "sweep things under the rug." <br /><br />Keep doing everything you can to be kind to yourself, and forgive yourself any mistakes. My husband once got some words of advice that he passed on to me: What is it you can do right now, to make yourself feel better? Often, it's the little things, like sitting outside and feeling a breeze, or drinking a cup of tea. <br /><br />You are real, Maggie. You are an anchor for yourself and your family. And you are one of the most talented and authentic writers I have ever read. You are too strong and brave to disappear. And yes, it's good to talk about your problems and your feelings and never to ignore what must be addressed, and sometimes it's just as healing to take a rest, and renew.<br /><br />Hugs and love...Anniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12588164536314320479noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-40593568394207922722009-09-11T05:59:45.628-07:002009-09-11T05:59:45.628-07:00Do I know what you are feeling? Not exactly. I don...Do I know what you are feeling? Not exactly. I don't have the things in my life that you have dealt with, that is true. But I also know there are dark places in me that come out sometimes. <br /><br />I have admired your strength and honesty so much over the time reading your blog - I wish there was a way to help in more than just words. I can only hope the words help in some small way.justmakingourwayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01410133602131763514noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-29851920339082987572009-09-11T05:45:22.759-07:002009-09-11T05:45:22.759-07:00Maggie, you explained perfectly the tension betwee...Maggie, you explained perfectly the tension between the surface talk and all the crap that roils beneath it. How I struggle to hold the dividing line taut myself sometimes...<br /><br />So much that could be said isn't. Some days, I have a hard time figuring out which me is the real one--the faker with the easy small talk, or the one sublimating all the other anxious feelings.<br /><br />I would love to talk someday.Kiriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10253821778906908627noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-2234734911690466562009-09-10T21:46:36.487-07:002009-09-10T21:46:36.487-07:00I've had this open since yesterday, just sitti...I've had this open since yesterday, just sitting at the bottom of my screen waiting for me to write something. <br /><br /><br />And now I've been sitting here for five minutes trying to come up with the right words...Captain Dumbasshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02214826608461609241noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-74269200030602932162009-09-10T21:04:54.852-07:002009-09-10T21:04:54.852-07:00maggie maggie maggie.
i'm standing here, hand...maggie maggie maggie. <br />i'm standing here, hands raised, forward in supplication. oh, man. <br />i can't claim specific mental illness. i know i have anxiety and that, at time, it is crippling. it usually manifests in overeating and not leaving the house. i mean, literally, being unable to go outside without feeling like i'm going to die. <br />i remember when i moved to maui after college. i had two weeks to myself before my friend joined me and i spent the majority in my apartment. ON AN ISLAND SURROUNDED BY THE MOST HEALING WATER IN THE WORLD. i sat in my apartment and forced myself one afternoon to go to the drugstore and buy toilet paper just to prove that i wasn't too scared to do it. i practically had a panic attack in the store and rushed back home into the safety of my apartment and didn't leave again for three more days. <br />you can always always talk to me. just so ya know.kristahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07862447137460152226noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-14089120819558686822009-09-10T16:59:44.017-07:002009-09-10T16:59:44.017-07:00I'm so sorry you are in pain, and so glad that...I'm so sorry you are in pain, and so glad that you are strong enough to see your way through it. I remember my sister (alcohol, drugs, very early) telling my mom that all she wanted was for more rules to be more enforced. Sounds like your mom was a pain in the rear and also a bit of a hero in your adolescence.Elizabethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05911567464016860691noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-54374393053808758362009-09-10T15:44:30.056-07:002009-09-10T15:44:30.056-07:00"harried and angry faced, seen primarily as h..."harried and angry faced, seen primarily as humorless, angry and strangely irritable..."<br /><br />You just wrote me a mirror.Steph(anie)https://www.blogger.com/profile/01345590378662641435noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-31841100439019924842009-09-10T15:35:01.210-07:002009-09-10T15:35:01.210-07:00consider my hand raised in a blog land of people w...consider my hand raised in a blog land of people who use their blogs as gossip, fodder, criticism and a chance to give and get Stuff.<br /><br />Your honesty is beautiful. Keep doing what you do, and I'll keep reading, I promise.<br /><br />I too abbreviate what's going on in my life, coming from a background similar to yours... when people ask what's new with me, they don't REALLY want to know...except my best buds, and those peeps get EVERYTHING.<br /><br />Find someone to talk to. Counselor, friend, normal family member, whatever. <br /><br />Don't keep it all inside.Phoenixhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07477498671080132176noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-14775480156537124482009-09-10T15:14:19.360-07:002009-09-10T15:14:19.360-07:00I hate when I'm feeling good and confident bec...I hate when I'm feeling good and confident because I'm pretty sure I'm on the verge of losing it. Not diagnosed with anything other than situational depression (or something like tha) and anxiety. I'm back in the anxiety right now. Throat and chest tight. All the time. Hiding it from my family because they don't get it. Ever. Stopped telling my husband about depression and anxiety about two years into the marriage (we are on year 17) cuz he doesn't get it. <br /><br />yeah, i hear you. loud and clear. all i got is that there are a lot of us out here and we'll listen....Madgehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14905740781186585499noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-67205833768525114992009-09-10T14:52:12.277-07:002009-09-10T14:52:12.277-07:00maggie, i'm on the other side of the spectrum ...maggie, i'm on the other side of the spectrum - nothing exactly diagnosed, no addictions to speak of. but having been in therapy for 12 years -i not only have plenty of my own stuff, but i've become a pretty damn good listener. would love to listen if you need an ear. xo hkhayleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13720994882731022679noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-29096506161267859562009-09-10T14:07:34.134-07:002009-09-10T14:07:34.134-07:00We're all a little crazy aren't we? I alwa...We're all a little crazy aren't we? I always figured if I was sane enough to worry about going crazy then I was still OK, and when I no longer care, I must be there. Catch 22 of sorts.<br />Life is hard for the deep thinkers and feelers, especially when childhood is filled with craziness, with or without labels. We have them in my family, alcoholism, drug abuse, OCD, ADD, dementia, agoraphobia, depression, anger management issues and manic swings, even pure, benign madness -none diagnosed as we are a stubborn and resilient clan. Hang in there, keep fighting the good fight, keep writing! Annie Dillard wrote a piece called Write Till You Drop, and my favorite sentence is You were made and set here to give voice to your own astonishment. Yes, indeed.Melhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10114884092474969555noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-51289879648096348532009-09-10T11:17:52.687-07:002009-09-10T11:17:52.687-07:00hi maggie... i recently started going to therapy b...hi maggie... i recently started going to therapy because i was upset by a few things about myself. after several visits i just in passing mentioned to my therapist something about a time where my father had abused me and she slapped her notes on the floor and said 'what?' i never talk about it... to anyone. not even till the fourth or so visit to my therapist did i even mention it to her. that's how far separated i have tried to force myself from it all. she is making me relive everything in telling my story and i literally didn't know if i would survive my first week alive with my secrets being out there. so i guess i am quite the opposite of you in that regard... we all need to find our happy medium, but most importantly.... just find the happy. i posted a small blurb about it on my blog (tiny) and it caused me so much anxiety to have it out there.... (as it does to even leave this comment for you) but i forced myself to leave it up and feel exposed. i guess it's all about baby steps. we all survive in our own way. and you seem to be surviving beautifully. i am in no position to help anyone, i just wanted you to know you are not alone and you are dearly admired.Robin.https://www.blogger.com/profile/06799500006968809109noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-73283290405392106972009-09-10T04:36:43.774-07:002009-09-10T04:36:43.774-07:00Maggie, my hand is up. Speak it.
I feel you like...Maggie, my hand is up. Speak it.<br /><br />I feel you like a sister shadow over my shoulder. I have to say I've never had depression nor have I had any identifiable medical issue related to mental issues, but still, when you breathe I feel you on the soft of my ear, just that far away from me, rather close.<br /><br />You are brave and wild and beautiful. The world should thank you for that.<br />xo <br />erinWoman in a Windowhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14747858840088922077noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-32508734637621930982009-09-10T01:43:17.147-07:002009-09-10T01:43:17.147-07:00Have you heard of the song Stone Cold Sober by Pal...Have you heard of the song Stone Cold Sober by Paloma Faith? It reminds me of people like you(and me)who face all the crap head on and allow ourselves to feel the pain. There is such strength in your vulnerability and your raw honesty and I admire you for reaching out. Building communties both virtual and physical is crucial for our individual and collective healing. I will email you as well. stand strong in the knowledge there are many hands supporting you maggieannahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04403380465261949494noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-10054210702084732322009-09-09T23:45:03.129-07:002009-09-09T23:45:03.129-07:00I hear you, and think you are amazingly eloquent i...I hear you, and think you are amazingly eloquent in the way you express it.<br /><br />I know all too well what a heavy burden silence is to carry, but it can be really hard to find ones voice.Zip n Tizzyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14760606219381683552noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-57314629585755202172009-09-09T22:14:46.278-07:002009-09-09T22:14:46.278-07:00When life with mental illness screams so loudly in...When life with mental illness screams so loudly in my ears that I have no choice but to crouch in some god awful lonely corner somewhere, I try to remember that the most beautiful and brilliant people in the world were also mentally ill and that I am in good company, as bent or broken as it might be. Somehow it helps to calm me...<br />Thanks for , asTiffanyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13866427556365110189noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-17642793586942435952009-09-09T21:54:53.457-07:002009-09-09T21:54:53.457-07:00My mother was mentally ill (and a psychologist iro...My mother was mentally ill (and a psychologist ironically) and I saw the pain it brought her and everyone around her. Reaching out is an intelligent course of action I think. Good wishes to you.Sultanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06506141014376919585noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-45407963252727696602009-09-09T21:49:35.119-07:002009-09-09T21:49:35.119-07:00Generalized anxiety, hypochondria (not a joke), pa...Generalized anxiety, hypochondria (not a joke), panic--me.<br /><br />Anxiety, panic attacks, slight agoraphobia--mother.<br /><br />Depression, alcoholism--father.<br /><br />Everyone on my mother's side--a thousand degrees of anxiety.<br /><br />Everyone on my father's side--alcoholics, sometimes drug addicts, depressives.<br /><br />Yay genes!<br />Hugs to you, partly because I could use the hug myself. :)Petunia Facehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10862319327443285277noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-6378701031833368892009-09-09T19:51:35.754-07:002009-09-09T19:51:35.754-07:00Well, we've got our raging alcoholics, manic d...Well, we've got our raging alcoholics, manic depressives, drug addicts and a couple bipolars all through our bloodlines. I'm not sure anyone who is really honest can't find such issues in their family.<br /><br />Me? A shot of OCD, with an anxiety chaser can get the better of me sometimes if I'm not paying attention. Hell, I probably was an alcoholic and a drug addict for many years of my life, but that was before I really had much to lose. Then, I got addicted to working out and obsessed about everything I ate or drank. <br /><br />These days, in my forties, a little red wine, a little weed and a lot of exercise keep me on the rails most of the time.<br /><br />Hang in there, girl!Lolahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07370267947354641941noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-21876595135392194502009-09-09T17:54:21.694-07:002009-09-09T17:54:21.694-07:00If I wasn't so hard core I'd be tearing up...If I wasn't so hard core I'd be tearing up right now. So I'm totally tearing up. I really really needed to get responses to this, to be heard and understood. I'm going through a very hard time in my family life right now and being able to share here and get this kind of supportive response means the world to me. Thank you thank you. It is twilight here, I'm drinking a glass of white wine, trying to move toward working in the yard a bit and I feel my chest is lighter because I was able to read all this. I look forward to talking with you all.Maggie Mayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14699674732274478502noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-81719557748017096402009-09-09T15:14:38.903-07:002009-09-09T15:14:38.903-07:00I'd be glad to talk to you, anytime girl. Ste...I'd be glad to talk to you, anytime girl. Steph81@hotmail.com. I've got the anxiety stuff, the depression stuff, the stuff I can't really figure out. One of my families has, um, melancholic tendencies to say the least and they are one sad bunch. My stepfamily is just good old fashioned crazy. Anyway...not much phases me.SJhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14174193133138897712noreply@blogger.com