tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post5811115159232675026..comments2023-10-07T07:26:20.469-07:00Comments on Flux Capacitor: super sad true love storyMaggie Mayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14699674732274478502noreply@blogger.comBlogger45125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-47889906445458027642010-10-05T21:15:47.126-07:002010-10-05T21:15:47.126-07:00I too, was a single mom at nineteen, and I too, am...I too, was a single mom at nineteen, and I too, am struggling with a teenager that wants so much to be independent of me, but relies on me so much. I too, have an oldest/only child that demands so much of my attention that my three younger children are missing my guidance. I too, suffer from guilt, sadness and depression and have sought the advice of many therapists. I too, want to shake my daughter by the shoulders and tell her that EVERYTHING I have done in life was/is because of her. I too, can feel your pain as my lovely girl is going through her own struggles. I too, am sad and don't know what to do, but pray that whomever is listening will keep her safe and grounded and wise. Hang in there momma, you are doing your best.Candihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16981429514691830607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-77101667346787227472010-10-01T07:22:33.732-07:002010-10-01T07:22:33.732-07:00Your words are haunting and beautiful. Being a mot...Your words are haunting and beautiful. Being a mother means just as you say, try everything and also get help. You haven't given up on your son and he holds that knowledge in his heart. The conflicts that come as are children grow more independent and make concerning choices, can make us unsteady. <br /><br />As you do all you can I offer the words of a dear friend when I struggled with my relationship with my son. She said parenting a teen sometimes mean, "Biding your time without being indifferent." Your mama instincts are telling you you are doing the best you can, listen.<br />http://alwaysmomof4.wordpress.com/Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-49219797150391780782010-09-30T08:22:59.456-07:002010-09-30T08:22:59.456-07:00I have already read this, and commented, but when ...I have already read this, and commented, but when I clicked the link on mamapundits blog, I cried instantly when your header popped up. I really hope this all works out in your sons favor. my heart aches for you, and leaps for you, at the same time. You are just so damn strong, and to think you do all of this with grace and not to mention a child thriving inside of you.Amberhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03370021449777348289noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-69007087757833218892010-09-30T06:32:21.519-07:002010-09-30T06:32:21.519-07:00BTDT.
Hang on, you still have a long ride through ...BTDT.<br />Hang on, you still have a long ride through his adolescence.<br /><br />Your job is to facilitate treatment for your minor child. Do this ASAP, and do not wait one more day.<br /><br />The whole mess is overwhelming but there is help for him and your familiy.<br /><br />This is what worked for us, and kept my daughter alive:<br />Getting yourself professional help, and get him into residential treatment, then a boarding school while he is a minor, and get him out of your community with all his people places and things.<br /><br />It really does help teens to not be in the community and at home. <br /><br />Parental authority, while you still have it, use it.Monday Treehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05678918242931813979noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-83619445524437333372010-09-29T20:41:43.877-07:002010-09-29T20:41:43.877-07:00So beautifully written. I will say a prayer for y...So beautifully written. I will say a prayer for you and your son. I am experiencing some of the same "where did we go wrong" thoughts concerning my own oldest son right now and total confusion about what to do to help him so I feel a real kinship with what you wrote.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-5888758938087174312010-09-29T20:35:10.636-07:002010-09-29T20:35:10.636-07:00"And now that belief has been unearthed and s..."And now that belief has been unearthed and shaken by the neck and flung to the floor underneath my feet."<br /><br /><a href="http://thewomenscolony.com/home/2009/11/27/my-daughterpart-one-by-anonymous.html" rel="nofollow">There are those of us who suffer similarly</a>, my friend; single mothers, married mothers, stable households, and unstable ones. I've come to believe that, in some of our dear sweet children, adolescence is a seed waiting to explode like a bomb. Nothing we do can stop it. God bless you and keep you strong. You did your best and that is all that can be expected of any parent.Suburban Correspondenthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11488916572135296650noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-49414953304326873842010-09-24T09:32:00.004-07:002010-09-24T09:32:00.004-07:00My daughter had a horrible year at 15. She cut he...My daughter had a horrible year at 15. She cut herself, she lied to us, she did lots of things that we suspect but can't confirm. She wouldn't talk to me. We would go to therapy together and she wouldn't talk if I was in the room. I would ask, "You can't talk or you won't?" "Both," she would answer.<br /><br />Happy, loving and beloved childhood -- yes. All that.<br /><br />I don't know what the answer is, and I didn't really take my own advice, but I do think there is a big piece of growing up that has nothing to do with the MOTHER. Try, if you can, not to feel each rejection so terribly personally.Beehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02375981493145612394noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-370869758427951542010-09-21T22:49:06.667-07:002010-09-21T22:49:06.667-07:00oh maggie - you write with such aching beauty. i o...oh maggie - you write with such aching beauty. i often feel totally speechless after reading your beautiful expressions...and find myself unable to even leave a coherent comment. <br />your D has a beautiful and strong mother. I hope very much, that it could be enough...<br />thank you maggie for being so brave in expressing things most of us cannot.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-59890646978998203292010-09-21T19:53:28.776-07:002010-09-21T19:53:28.776-07:00Maggie-
Your son. My brother. You're right: ...Maggie-<br />Your son. My brother. You're right: this isn't typical teenage stuff. This is something deeper with D. I see it in your writing. I saw it in my brother all those years ago. Drug addiction, alcoholism, self abuse... he did it all. The whole family went through their cycles of wanting to help, wanting to give up, wanting to commit him, wanting him to just wake up and be "normal" one day, wanting a better life for him.... <br /><br />I wish my brother had the love and concern of his mother the way D has yours. Unfortunately, it was one more bit of abuse heaped upon him that my mother suffered with the same demons. Genetics are a fierce and terrible thing sometimes. <br /><br />I'm wondering about D's dad. I bring this up only to alleviate you of some of the genetic burden. You can't hold yourself exclusively responsible for his demeanor. (I also wonder if men whose paternal connections have been broken CAN be healed by maternal love alone. I wonder this about my own kin. Seems like all the love in the world from their big sister is still not enough. I wonder if something that helps D become more aware of his "yang" energy will help him to know himself better, and help him to shift the energy from self loathing to self love.)<br /><br />Ultimately, he will emerge from this darkness. There are corrective drugs, there are therapies, there is the unconditional love form you, and, more than anything, there is time. He is young and in the thick of it. Thank goodness you have the awareness and the capacity to hold such love in your heart for him. Not every person in his shoes is as lucky.<br /><br />Take care of yourself, even as you take care of him. <br /><br />You are stronger than you know.<br /><br />Much love to your whole family,<br />LoLoLoloSayshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14496826332987001309noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-22317904544487765632010-09-20T14:25:32.757-07:002010-09-20T14:25:32.757-07:00The commitment and love you have for each other in...The commitment and love you have for each other in your family is wondrous to behold. And you remind me that my occasional "throwing my hands up" attitude is just NOT okay when it comes to family and friends.mosey (kim)https://www.blogger.com/profile/14990626697257089908noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-294547401985963132010-09-20T12:31:03.323-07:002010-09-20T12:31:03.323-07:00What's hard is that I watched this happen with...What's hard is that I watched this happen with my brothers as I was growing up and I'm at a loss as to what to say to make you feel better. <br /><br />I wish it was easy enough to say to the people we loved, "There is nothing you can do to make me love you less" and that would fix all of the anger and anxiety and reveal the source of all things. But the truth is that people are so much more than just the product of the home they were raised in and there's only so much you can do as a mother before you have to let him do what he's going to do and pray that he returns safely at the end of each day.<br /><br />Love never hurts, though. Just keep loving him and he'll find his way back home.Phoenixhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07477498671080132176noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-69042261193400403252010-09-20T12:05:36.512-07:002010-09-20T12:05:36.512-07:00Beautiful. And this so resonates with me. I'm ...Beautiful. And this so resonates with me. I'm already scared because me son seems as melancholy as I was at his age. Doesn't bode well for the future. I think some of it may be genes, rather than upbringing, and of course we pass on more than we know. All we can do is love and keep trying. xMwahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00954216492730746581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-32644351204745285782010-09-19T14:13:01.088-07:002010-09-19T14:13:01.088-07:00No words. Sorry. No offer of advice. Sorry. Wishin...No words. Sorry. No offer of advice. Sorry. Wishing you every, every, every hope of it all coming good. People keep telling me ours will come good. There are days I think that too. At the moment, not so much.Kate Moorehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11731006032499344619noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-76671823044019063752010-09-19T08:58:14.952-07:002010-09-19T08:58:14.952-07:00Having been in both your shoes and his at differen...Having been in both your shoes and his at different points, all I wish to do is say that all will be well, but we all know that everything is not always well no matter how we wish it to be.<br />One of those doors you knock on or knock down will have the answers behind it Maggie, and the help that you need, that he needs, to get through this... just don't ever stop until you find that one.<br />Strength be with you.tiffanyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09135221766636218138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-37862512355054260812010-09-18T22:56:06.574-07:002010-09-18T22:56:06.574-07:00Thanks so much for sharing. And you already know t...Thanks so much for sharing. And you already know this but not giving up or giving in is the best that can be done. You said it yourself that you only have a few years where you can control certain things, so the fact that you're taking advantage of that is amazing. It's a really hard thing to do, so even if certain parts of this are out of your control (and possibly out of his), you already know (or should know) that you're doing so much for him, all you can. I wish you all the best.<br /><br />And by the way, that's a beautiful photograph of him.Stephaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07770840645353569334noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-115752270950286592010-09-18T15:26:46.164-07:002010-09-18T15:26:46.164-07:00oh my heart is with you on this one.oh my heart is with you on this one.Still Life With Coffeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08618084652041659692noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-84623692871188388582010-09-17T21:31:53.820-07:002010-09-17T21:31:53.820-07:00As a recovered clinically depressed teenager mysel...As a recovered clinically depressed teenager myself, I want to say thank you for working so hard for your son. <br /><br />After months of internal pain and shutting down emotionally, my mom started asking all the right questions on the night I was going to commit suicide. Not that I was just kind of thinking about it, no, I was actually waiting for her to leave the room so I could do it. But instead of leaving, she started asking the most simple questions, to get the answers out that I didn't care enough to tell her on my own. Without that dialogue, well, my family would never be the same. I don't know what prompted her to start talking to me on that night, but that was the least she could do at the time when it was most needed. <br /><br />You, on the other hand, are working so much harder to seek your son's happiness and that is truly inspiring. Like you said, you won't just throw up your hands and give up. I will take your experience as a mother and hope that I can do the same for my daughter. I'm sorry that it's hard for you right now, but thank you.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11571403013373804683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-61899722377542376642010-09-17T20:42:41.703-07:002010-09-17T20:42:41.703-07:00Your writing is gorgeous, M, in that scary, desper...Your writing is gorgeous, M, in that scary, desperate way that all mothers have when something is going wrong and you can't fix it. All we want to do is fix it.<br /><br />You haven't done anything wrong, sweet lady, in fact it sounds to me like you are doing everything you possibly can. He'll find his way with your incredible family behind him.anymommyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17870033179328734404noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-71560689162237912092010-09-17T18:22:12.513-07:002010-09-17T18:22:12.513-07:00Oh lady... hugs to you and your son. You will get ...Oh lady... hugs to you and your son. You will get through this, both of you, together.Corinne Cunninghamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07604810312185816792noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-20404048486378041472010-09-17T18:03:37.497-07:002010-09-17T18:03:37.497-07:00Maggie, Maggie. I hear you, and I feel your helple...Maggie, Maggie. I hear you, and I feel your helplessness in the face of things you cannot control. I know very well the need to protect your child from the very things that almost destroyed our own fragile, needful young selves. You are doing all you can, and that says a lot. You just never know, especially with boys, as they are so very different and closed off sometimes. My brother has struggled all his life with moods, drugs, alcohol, reclusiveness, and has disappeared for months at a time, both worrying and infuriating us all. His life has been harder than that of my sister and I, though we all shared the same household and love of our parents, but something in him just did not let life flow easily. The family mantle of addiction and mental illness has fallen more on him than on the others, I guess. I have had to learn to accept that I cannot help him, nor does he wish to be helped, as his demons are his own. All I can do is love him. But. But your son is young, there is both time and hope, and you are fighting so hard to help him, so keep the faith, keep hope, keep strong, and love him harder than he will let you. I am hoping, hoping for better for you, and hoping the stress and the pregnancy do not wear you down. Please take care, and thank you for your honesty and for sharing so much with us, as we all stumble toward grace.<br />And oh, what Evangeline said, some souls are just fathoms deep and will not find peace easily. So sad and so true.Melhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10114884092474969555noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-73362308029732413082010-09-17T16:45:12.100-07:002010-09-17T16:45:12.100-07:00Maggie, My daughter is two and I am 37 and yet I f...Maggie, My daughter is two and I am 37 and yet I felt the same way when she was born. My life opened. I was just watching shadows on the walls and then I was turned around and into the real. I became who I am. <br /><br />And yet, I can see so much genetics at play within her. And, at times, it scares me. I can surround her in love and security and give her every path (and guard rail) she needs to find herself but I am also realizing that some of that has been mapped out within her from before she was born.<br /><br />I am keeping Dakota in my thoughts and you as well. This is a tough road. Does Dakota have any relationship with his biological father?Amyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07022434817723918622noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-39306650211846087542010-09-17T16:10:10.866-07:002010-09-17T16:10:10.866-07:00We pour and pour and pour love in, and sometimes w...We pour and pour and pour love in, and sometimes we (or at least I) forget that we can do only what's in our power to do -- and not everything falls into that category. <br /><br />Kids make bad choices, even when we've done everything we can to teach them how to make good ones. Sometimes it's because of genetics, sometimes it's because of damage we don't know about and can't see, and sometimes it's because they're teens and don't see ahead the way we do.<br /><br />I've been in a similar place to where you are -- am there now, in fact -- and you are right: you cannot give up. Cannot. Because no matter how hard it is, the one thing you can never live with is that you stopped trying.Juliahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06668252458131596362noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-39394739279626724792010-09-17T13:48:06.908-07:002010-09-17T13:48:06.908-07:00Oh, Maggie. This is such an amazing love letter t...Oh, Maggie. This is such an amazing love letter to your son. You are one of the most fierce, fabulous & loving warrior Mama's I've ever known. It sounds like you're doing all the right things. I know you will do everything humanly possible to guide/help your son in the most loving & caring ways possible. <br /><br />Love is healing and there is nothing on earth stronger than a Mother's love. I'll keep him and your family in my prayers. Love & Blessings!!Marionhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14786883679294446945noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-25691466612935617872010-09-17T13:14:31.536-07:002010-09-17T13:14:31.536-07:00You keep trying and trying and trying and loving a...You keep trying and trying and trying and loving and loving and hoping.<br />Bad things happen to good kids. <br />Good kids make bad choices.<br />He is loved and you are loved and you just do your best and you hope.<br />I come from a family of addiction and pain, and some mistakes get repeated, but the love of my parents shines through.Jenny Gracehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12943823729806115657noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-972647577919000054.post-81820355517581205612010-09-17T12:31:40.176-07:002010-09-17T12:31:40.176-07:00Maggie, it's not always the parents or the par...Maggie, it's not always the parents or the parenting. Sometimes teens run into people and situations on their own that simply turn their world on its head; things that seem to fundamentally change them. It happened to me when I was 16. I can clearly see in my journals when I changed, and I've pinpointed the exact time -- down to the very night and what I was doing -- when a switch in my head was thrown and I saw the world very differently. And I was very, very afraid. There was no parenting in the world that could have done anything to prevent it.Collin Kelleyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03777180960376039699noreply@blogger.com