Illustration: Lauren Nassef

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Lauren is one of my favorite illustrators on the web. I adore the emotion her style envokes inside me. Find her at her webpage, here

The Room of Endless Questions

"Intellectuals have proven to the world that you can have all this brilliance and still have absoutely no idea of whats going on."- Woody Allen

1. Why do Bellatrix and Ron Weasley still poop on the sunroom floor even though they own a very fine and clean litterbox in said sunroom?



2. How do I email people back from their specific comments on my blog post?



3. Is Oprah real?



4. Where did the thousands of pictures I can no longer find anywhere on my IPhoto go?



5. How can I make a copy of my novel on Word without copy and pasting it page by page, so that I can use said copy to mess with the whole structure without fearing irreperable damage?



6. I want to repaint my coffee table. How do I do this without filling in the lines that follow the rectangular top with paint? Right now the table is white and the lines are just the bare wood, carved into the table, free of paint. I can't just tape the lines because I couldn't make the tape perfectly fit the very thin lines and it would look very sloppy.

And Furthermore..

You guys rock! Thank you so much for all the helpful and and hilarious comments. I'll get back to you and let you know how things work out. I'm especially excited to be able to work 'better' on my novel now that I can have a safe copy.

lola and mommy

i have chapped lips and freckles i have tired eyes i have nothing less than love and love for all my life i am tired i am beaten i am lifted high i have nothing less than you and you for all my life

just because

lola moon in mommy's sunglasses, dakota wolf laughing at her, 2002

family life

Huckleberry, Dakota, Bodie, Lola, and baby Wolfgang circa 2005

here is Bodie's song: " Bodieeeee Bodie Muchachas, King of the Wild Frontier! "

here is Wolfie's song: " Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Wolfie Toofie! "

here are Dakota's pet names: " Doda Wolf ( his middle name is Wolf ) Cody, D "

here are Lola's pet names: " Yoya Moon, Lola Moony-Moon, Lola Coaster, Creampuffs (what I call her cheeks )

" here are Ian's pet names: " Ian Oliver, Ian Owl "

here is what Lola calls her girlie parts " Lavina " (pronounced La-veye-na)

here is what Lola calls her hiney " Buttina " (pronounced Butt-eye-na)

here is the song I sing to the children ' You've got a cuuutie, a cutie booootie, it's fresh and fruity '

here is another ' i love you more than a big zambonie, a bowl of macaroni '

Lola Dakota and Ian circa 2005

here is a conversation between Lola and Dakota:

D ' Lola made a wet-wet! '

L ' You better take that back right now. RIGHT NOW. '

D ' Or whaaaat? '

L ' Or I'm going to march right over there and pinch your face off. '

D ' ooooooo '

L ' What does family even mean to you, Dakota? '

i tell my children ' if i told you for a thousand years, a million years, for infinity- if i told you how much i love you for that long, it would not be long enough'

and that is the truth.

wolf among wolves

sexual graphs and charts of a marriage

sometimes i hate you
because you knew the golden curve
of my arm, the hairs erect and lit as sun
you touched, the supine leg, the sleek
beautiful muscles, turning and flexing
like dolphins. you opened your eyes
in bed and saw the sharp gloss belly,
the curves like church sides, worshipped.
you touched me. the round ass, smooth
and firm, with give. enough give.
you desired me like water. i saw
your entire future lit up in the magnifying
glass of my powers: i was mesmerizing
you with my all powerful body, the truly
amazing sexuality of the young female
honed with poetry and a gritty life, made
with these elixers into something unstoppable.
lovemaking lost my mind. when i came to,
i felt like the Captain of the ship: everything
in working order, legs locked, arms strained,
tits high, every muscle and tendon long and loose-
the expression on your face made me feel
slightly sorry for you, poor stunned rabbit.
heads turn! hallalujah! fights break out!
for a few years i think i caused a fight,
every single time we went dancing,
fell a little more in love with you
every single time you defended my honor,
claimed your place in my thighs with your big heart.
yes you had a young man's body but let's
not bullshit anyone: it's simply not the same for men.
little else to claim for me then: beauty and soul,
my body and my face made me euphoric and terrified:
i was sure i could never be loved for anything more
than the perfection of my rib cage, the downy indents
on my back, the lay of perfectly measured fat over
my hipbones, where your hands held me, trembling.
i had the misery of a broken bleating childhood
abuse, suffering, loneliness, madness on all sides,
alcoholism, manic depression, anxiety, schizophrenia,
and then the saving graces: beauty and soul.
i had a baby and broke both into his little pink face
like an egg yolk over the best sufflee.
sometimes to be a mother feels like this:
to have distilled the finest of myself into someone else.
darling i know you love me you desire me
yes you want me now. still sometimes i hate you
for the same reason i often love you.
because you knew me then.
because you know me know.
this is what happens
when you fall in love so young, spending the first four
years doing nothing but fucking, as if you invented the
way it all ends up, as if you were the mold they broke to repeat.

maggie may ethridge
august 09

Osa and Martin Johnson, Film via 1930's

silver bedtime story

i have silver slot mouthed grin. open bank. let me in. tonight, you win. i close eyes, silver fish. we make effigies. we 'wish'. i silver the sliver ache. i make it good. i should. i love monsters, silver teeth. beautiful eyes. things beneath. i tell silver stories. i make em good. you could too. ( if only you would )






poem maggie may ethridge