Monday, January 10, 2011

things sure have changed round here, baby


1 The vibrator in the house happens to be green with jungle animals on it, and often holds
ten pound newborn.

2 Great care must be taken when choosing a dirty towel to use after a shower. One must
vigorously inspect all used towels before smearing them across the body.

3 There is a whole new reason to fear the dogs tearing into the trash.

4 Sexual activity is encouraged to be as quick as the scene in Fast Times At Richmond High-
Of course, that is assuming sexual activity is possible.

5 When I grumble
Scoot Over in bed and start pushing, someone is likely to fall out. The amount of people in bed has multiplied times two.

6 Instead of our schedule running around school times and clocks, and you know, implements of responsible modern society, they run around a drooling babbling bundle with three chins and a proclivity for pooping her pants the minute the key starts turning the lock.

7 The mother must not shower more than ten minutes. Or the mother will be punished. The mother can only wash her face once a day. Decide: morning or evening. The mother is not allowed to have toilet issues. The mother is allotted eight minutes to use the toilet. The mother cannot drink milk, eat chocolate, consume alcohol or beans, and must consume more water than Niagra Falls daily. The mother can put deodorant on but cannot shave her legs. The mother can floss but cannot cut her nails. The mother can fling sunblock on but must not use makeup. The mother can pretend to do other things but must acknowledge that all she is really doing is taking a pause between nursing baby and walking baby. Pauses are short and not always necessary, according to baby.

8 The husband must accept all above.

9 Pint sized farts are pretty cute.

10 The dogs....what dogs? Aw. Poor dogs.
clearness said...

Sounds all too familiar. Glad those days are behind us. Have fun because they don't last long.....

~Amber Elise~ said...

OH my, how I remember and tried to forget these days! It makes me smile reading your description but I know it isn't always easy! Hang in there. You are an awesome Momma!

Ms. Moon said...

Those tiny tyrants of our hearts and time...

Maggie May said...

it's so much fun, i'm soaking it up...!

Mwa said...

Apart from the dogs and the sex, that is SO me right now.

Caroline of Salsa Pie said...

I loved this! I'm with you on all of it!

Marion said...

Oh, the joys of motherhood! LOL! Sounds like fun to me. Enjoy!

Blessings,
Marion

"There was never a child so lovely but his mother was glad to get her to sleep." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Phoenix said...

I love the laughter I can hear in this post...

Maggie May said...

love your post

Petit fleur said...

Sounds about right. Glad to see your blogging and retaining a sense of humor made Ever's list of maintainable mommy activities!

Hooray for Ever!

Vodka Mom said...

but soon she'll be farting in school and looking around for someone else to blame.

Okie said...

lol...nice. Best of luck...enjoy it as much as possible. :)

Allison the Meep said...

Oh, babies. Such crazy little narcissists. They're lucky they're so cute.

Hannah Stephenson said...

Glad things are going so "well." :) I know that they truly are, though.

Lovely pictures!

Captain Dumbass said...

That sounds very familiar.

Freida Bee said...

And still, I'm feeling cronely and jealous. What a blessing it all is, a poop covered blessing.

Steph. said...

Hilarious and completely familar! Thanks for visiting my blog and I hope you come back soon! I will definitely stop by yours again too!

Middle Child said...

My husband used to say that when the kids were little - if he didn't sleep with his arm out palm flat against the wall on his side of the bed - he would fall out for lack of space!!!Lovely times

fillingahole said...

yea, thats why no more babies.
we miss sleep.
:)

Terresa said...

The last thing on the list (dogs) made me smile, as our dog ends up last on our own list, too, at times.

And all of the other things, the quick showers and pee-time and everything else, I so get. And how time has wings and flies...

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Cute post, Maggie. I love it.

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