tee shirt : I'm The Only Slut In This Town*
* inspired by Mr. Curry and my viewing, and ensuing flash of possessive jealousy,
of a hot young lady riding the back of a fast motorcycle with tight jeans, a tramp stamp
and a black g-string made completely visable by the pull of her rear against the denim
as she hunched forward to hold her boyfriend as they weaved between cars
porn film : Highway Sluts On lonely highways, hot women in fast cars crash into each other,
finding in rage a new lesbian lust, tearing off each other's clothing and taking
each other on and in machines
* cars of use should be classic and tough, old Novas and Mustangs etc.
* also inspired by Mr. Curry and ensuing conversation after viewing
a hot young lady riding the back of a fast motorcycle with tight jeans,
a tramp stamp and a black g-string made completely visable by the pull
of her rear against the denim as she hunched forward to hold her boyfriend
as they weaved between cars
creative art for daughter : make cat/kitten toys with various papers, glues, scissors and color
for our 6 ( Mr. Curry, your love knows no bounds ) Harry, Hagrid,
Hermione, Mr. Weasley, Bellatrix and Kagome
tip for not puking while cleaning daughter's prodigious puke from comforter 2am: close eyes*
* probably not invented by author
ways to keep husband happy after 7 years of marriage: love notes in red lipstick on mirror* creative use of new toothbrush and honey, kisses on eyes and cheeks*, jasmine
perfume*, cheerfully watching bad action movie on couch*, silence when husband
does not clean up cat poop in corner even after being the one to see it happen*
* probably not actually invented by author
breast milk storage: create a funnel on both sides of plastic bag for freezing, storing and pouring
breast milk so that those pouring breast milk into bottle for infant* do not spill
other woman's breast milk* on arms clothing or floor
* infant most likely screaming
* while author herself breastfed all her babies for 2 years each and completely
supports breastfeeding, author does not deny the gross factor in spilling another
human being's bodily fluids on her person, being that in our society we are taught
from young age that all human bodily fluids or excrements are disgusting, ie: ear
wax, shit, urine, yeast from infection, snot, saliva, mucus, blood, toe jam, etc.
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You are clearly brilliant. Russ Meyer has nothing on you! :)
Though I love the usefulness of the breast milk storage bags, my fav is the Tee Shirt: I'm the only slut in this town. Don't we all feel like the only slut in town once in a while?
Yes. Please- I would like to order one of those T-shirts. Sometimes (and bless them- they can't help it) the men NEED a gentle, subtle, and dignified reminder such as this one would be.
I was once given an awesomely decorated theme cake for a party that a woman lovingly made with her own breast milk. I kid you not, Maggie May.
I can give you her number.
NO WAY.
Nuh-uh.
No!
Oh my God!
Thanks for your comment. What are you going to school for/when do you start back?
Ha this is brilliant! Though I know nothing about breast milk, this post still made me smile!
Cheers,
C
i want the tee shirt AND to recommend that you and mr curry watch the dvd 'deathproof' if you haven't already seen it.
tolerate the first part because you'll love the second part. really.
and be sure to wear the tee shirt while you watch...
Now you need an agent. You are clearly onto something.
You really need to hit up the patent office- quick.
Clever- really!
I was not aware there was possibility of me NOT cleaning up all of the poop in the house. I think it's in my contract.
Genius.
Totally spectacuar tags on this post!
But are you telling me you got NO photo of the town's sole slut?
You are dead to me! lol
more: what you say about our finding the fluids of others grotesque is very true, of course. And while our own fluids are fine to us (thankfully), most of us do come to realize that others don't feel the same way. With that said, I find the mother's milk birthday cake to be not only "ugh yuck gross!", but can only surmise that the maker was completely clueless in very UNcharming way. I can't believe someone would find that even vaguely socially acceptable.
Making kitten toys is always a worthy thing.
More! more inventions!
So thoughtful and practical. Maybe the T shirt could come w/ the matching G string - with the caveat that "Tramp Stamp Not Included."
love it!
i think that the fact that you have "cleaning up vomit" as one of your search subjects totally wins. everything. balls out.
great post :)
Compelling.
As always.
Makes me want to buy a new toothbrush and grab the honey out of the cabinet.
~Mary
*shudder*
Toe jam.
Hey, why didn't you honk and wave when you saw me on my boyfriend's bike???
PS Don't tell my husband.
I think I can utilize every one of your inventions listed here. Loverly. Bravo! X))
Very funny. Very very funny. I have a feeling you would quite like to spend a night with a (removable) tramp stamp, black g-string, jeans, boyfriend and motorcycle. This obviously stirred you. As it would anyone.
My favorite thing to do is make up theme t-shirts for random people!
The lady with the breast-milk cake would have a girly pink t-shirt with puffy sleeves and it would read "Insane".
I'm in for one of those T-shirts!
And I'm freaking out about that comment on the breast-milk decorated cake!!!!!!!
Haha. I remember my husband's friend saying how he has to close his eyes when he dips his pinky into the warmed up breast milk to test the temperature.
I thought, GROSS, you touch my breast milk???
Love the tshirt.. I would wear that. I would totally watch the porn too.
I think the comments here are better than the post!! You guys are cracking me up-
Anything puke related is thrown into the shower and hosed off with the shower head with as little skin contact as possible.
I always had a theory that women probably make better porn film writers than men.. it appears that I could be correct!.. perfect inventions :-)
not that you ever "left" but maggie, you're back!!!!!! :)
loved every word of this post, didnt want it to end!
I'll buy one of those tee-shirts. lol
Um, I'm with you Maggie May - I is not eatin' the breast milk cake. Uh-uh.
Are you going to school?
You are the mother of invention. Hmmm, what have I invented this week? I had a great conversation in my head to the 20-year-old dependent about leaving her R18+ movies around for the 15-year-old to come home to. Was brilliant. Involved reporting her to commissions and such. When I started she told me she honestly didn't see the rating and it was recommended to her by her father. Duh. Have to alter my in-head conversation fast.
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