List: Ridiculous Things About Me That Are Unfortunately True

1.* I am feeling unreasonably, embarrassingly sad for Brett Michaels. I wake up and think, Did Brett Michaels die today? God I hope not.

2. When I vomit, sometimes I pee, too. So sometimes, I'm crouched on the floor with one hand on the toilet, and one hand trying to cram toilet paper in my undies before I pee on myself. Awesome.

3. I sneeze frequently lately, and always twice, and always at about 10,000 decibels, so that when I sneeze at work, babies cry.

4. I am worried daily that my family is stepping on and killing the snails that keep crawling on our front walkway. I remind them daily not to step on and kill said snails, which they don't, but I still worry. Then today I looked at my large lovely green leaved plant, which I love, and said horrified, What is eating my plant? And Mr. Curry just looked at me and sighed and said Snails.

5. Lola stayed home from school with head lice today. I read up on how to treat it, and bought the right materials- tea tree oil and a lice comb. I spent two hours combing out her hair, and when I was done, I treated her head to the tea tree oil, rubbing it in. Only I had missed the part where it said concentrated tea tree oil, which meant that Lola's head turned the color of boiled lobster and she began shrieking It burns! Owww!! and Mr. Curry and I ran around like fools washing her hair- didn't work- putting an ice pack on her head- didn't work- mixing up baking soda and water- slightly worked- and finally leaving her head under running water for a length of time. Mother of the year. No lice or eggs could have survived that. It was like the Lice Holocaust.


* In reading this list said reader agrees not to use any of the revealed facts against the author in the future.