It was one of those trips where things were slightly off for all of us- with the enormous exception of Ever, who could live at Disneyland. Ian, Lola, Ed and Dakota all felt ill, having been fighting the barrage of various diseases going around the last month. Dakota was also bumming for personal reasons although he put a good face on and was polite, generous and kind the entire day. It's hard for me to feel how proud I am of him, how much I love him, out there in the world on his own-- it is where the expression ' fit to burst ' came from. I myself have been battling The Autoimmune Stuff for a while now, so eight straight hours of standing and walking in the direct sun made me feel very unwell, surreal and frustrated that I couldn't enjoy it more. That passed quickly, and the realization that It Is What It Is helped me settle in and accept what I felt, and enjoy the parts that I could. Lola was having a pretty good case of The Anxieties, and also handled it well. Mr. Curry got progressively sicker until he lost his voice entirely, and yet never used it to complain. We all shouldered our various complaints good naturedly for the most part, and were able to really enjoy the parts that were there to enjoy. The kids took turns remarking ' Even so, we are so lucky to be here! ' or after a brief complaint of head hurting or stomach hurting ' But we are all together, and so lucky to be here! ' I was proud of my kids, and proud of Mr. Curry and I for working hard over the years to model gratitude and perspective and manners. Over the years there have been fit throwing, bad manners and ingratitude for sure, ( and will be more, with Lola and Ever so young still ) but sometimes it all comes together and you see that what you are teaching is sinking in. I was definitely the worst behaved of the lot-- by the end of the day I felt awful, sun sick despite sunblock, aching all over and frustrated by a serious of problems with accessing our money, Ever refusing to sit in her stroller ( only tantrum of the day ), a recurrence of guilt that I couldn't just BE HAPPY in the happiest place on the earth that someone else payed for, holy hell, huge blisters on my feet and realizing that I had put myself in the position of going on no rides all day ( Mr. Curry tried, but I was flustered and wouldn't decide on anything ) I think I actually stomped my feet taking Ever and her potty into the bathroom while everyone tried to figure out how to get ahold of our money. I'm so ashamed. But the moment passed and I rallied and Dakota slung his arm around me and said Mom, it's cool, you're doing great, and I was then overwhelmed with the blissful and surreal reality that I had raised a son who understood, in some part, what it is to be The Mom in these situations, and I laughed and the moment passed. |
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