Fuckin Nuts

Ever couldn't find her Dinosaur Train DVD. I was working out in the living room, doing my lunges and squats, dutiful and uninspired, watching her carry the DVD around. My turn next, Momma. You worked out. Everkins watch Dinosaur Train. Not my turn yet! Not yet! ' Yup,'  I huffed back, ' that's right. '

I finished my workout- The Firm- and moved into the kitchen for a quick drink and handful of nuts. I told Ever I'd get her show on, just a minute. She marched in the kitchen with her hands on her hips, pigtails flopping weakly. She raised her hands and announced:  I can't find my DVD. Fuckin nuts! 

Oh. The shame. Her first curse word is FUCKING? It can't be something more friendly like ' crap ' or ' dammit ' or even ' shit '? It has to be the proletariat F bomb? 

She marched over to the fridge and flung it open, grabbed a grape and stuffed it in her mouth, turned back to me and warbled:  Fuckin nuts! Where's my Dinosaur Train?!

I will not laugh.  ' Ever, Mommy will help you find your Dinosaur Train. Come on... ' and into the living room. She marched behind me with her rear swinging sassily and hands up in teensy cups- as much sass as one tiny two year old could possibly contain being barely contained. Fuckin nuts. I can't even find dis Dinosaur Train, she said to me with her chalk drawn eyebrows raised.  ' Welp, Mommy found it! ' I announced. I plugged it in and headed upstairs.

' Ah ... honey? ' Mr. Curry was in bed, naked and curled up with his two hundred pounds of blankets he requires to sleep, even in California summer, which requires the air conditioner to be on. He was reading Robert Parker. ' So Ever ... ' I told him the story and finished, ' so because of you she's saying fucking nuts! ' 

He made a face. ' Me? No... I don't say that. ' I immediately had the following thoughts: he doesn't curse in front of the kids like I do, and I've been in a horrible mood this last week, therefore I probably said ' that's driving me fucking nuts ' at some point, which could have been referring to, off the top my head: the dogs peeing in the living room, the clouds of cigarette smoke on our porch from the sweet neighbor, the smoke alarm installed above the stove in the kitchen that goes off- in a pitch so high it rings my brain stem- every time we cook anything or the toilet upstairs that keeps running unless we remember to turn it off.

Ever walked into the room. I happened to be sitting on top of Mr. Curry while musing who was responsible for our child's foul mouth. Ever looked at us and opened her eyes big. Mommy, she said, pointing, you are crushing Daddy's peanuts!!!

Aw, nuts.