When I Decided To Divorce It Happened In One Sentence

Every day I am further from the place of hot truth and everything I believe most fervently to be essential for full life for personhood for self-esteem for sanity for emotional health for any possibility of joy or experience of joy I have allowed it to be crushed and replaced in the last three years and I'm not allowing myself to choose this anymore no matter that I must drag my heart and pussy and body through the grounds like a flailing child, no matter, I will do it because yes I love you I will always love you, but at night when I am alone (always) I am closer to dead than ever before.