Thursday, May 7, 2009

That's Why I'm Easy Like Sunday Morning

Pregnancy erupts. It interrupts, it consumes, it sweeps through the blood with the intensity and finality of an end -stage disease, pushing and gurgling through the body, saturating each and every cell of my being with the new DNA information that urgently gets passed from nucleus to nucleus: A baby- there is a baby inside- Full Systems Go. The truth about children for me was in a poem I wrote: " every night recognized a little more the essential draw of parenthood: life goes on, life goes on.." I am invited to see newly, right when I felt so old and tired. It would have passed without a pregnancy, of course- but with the pregnancy, not only did it pass, it was swept away with hurricane winds and the sky and trees and dirt and faces and love and life all have a crackling, electric energy about them. The nausea is less and the keen heightening of senses more.

I am cleaning corners and sucking down cobwebs with the vacuum extension. I am planning for Mr. Curry to paint. I am having Mr. Curry take things, bumbling old smelly furniture and things that clutter, to the dump. I am pondering a new kitchen table from IKEA. I am plowing through a bag of donated baby clothes with Lola. I am lovingly hand washing the recesses of our tile floor. I am aware of the moment without as much effort as it normally takes my neurotic mind to extend. I am making room for one more.

A bizarre side effect from this pregnancy: my puss smells like honey. It really does. Thanks, Kid.

Today I wore a long flowery dress, strapless, with turquoise print. I bought it at Target months ago, before I knew. My stomach swelled out underneath my breasts and everyone remarked the way everyone does when you are pregnant ' how sweet, how beautiful, how lovely, how exciting ' and I felt great. Later I cried for no reason in the bathroom and almost vomited lunch while the mirror remarked how tired and exhausted and old I suddenly looked, and I felt crappy.

Our cat Hermione had kittens, four: Black, Grey, Siamese colored (that's from Grandma Kagome, also our cat) and light orange tabby. They roam about, almost a month old, in their room, close to their box and their mother, their adorable fuzzy faces curious and frightened and thrilled and horrified. I'm feelin that.

The count of people asking if I'm having twins has now risen to Six, including one Mr. Curry, who when seeing my baby bump today in the new dress sucked in his breath and said ' Oh God, maybe you ARE having twins. ' Uhhmmm. I gave him the look and he stuttered ' Probably not, honey! ' Yeah.
Say that again. I dare you.

xo
maggie may
Lacey said...

It all sounds so surreal. And terrifying. And lovely. <3

The Panic Room said...

HOLY WOW! I have not been here for a spell and look what I come walking into. So awesome! I can't wait to read all the things you put out there about your pregnancy. Congrats!

Vashti said...

So beautiful but i have one question....are you still puking as much??
Please post a photo of you in your dress.

Blogging Mama Andrea said...

Twins, I don' think you should ever say that to a pregnant mother unless they are indeed having twins. Guys just don't get that.

I hope everything continues to go well. You are already nesting :)

Bee said...

Oh, your voice sounds so much better! I'm glad that the rolling sea is starting to calm a bit . . . and that there are strapless dresses and bursts of energy in your world.

It is hard to believe that our bodies just know how to do such an amazing thing.

PurestGreen said...

Will there be a belly photo soon? I have never desired children but you are making me broody. I am drawn in by the sensual journey your body is making. Maybe I just want my puss to smell like honey. :)

Beth said...

You're at the feeling beautiful stage - and the nesting one. How wonderful!

Re: "I am making room for one more." Twins??? A double blessing - but rather disconcerting to contemplate...

Badass Geek said...

Honey? Interesting.

Ms. Moon said...

With every baby, the belly grows larger faster. The skin has been pre-stretched, of course.
I see you, I feel you, a force of nature, swirling like universes and galaxies, stars in your belly, fire at your fingertips, dancing, new cosmos being born as we speak.

Laura said...

I am so glad you are feeling better. Its nice to hear an update from you. Sounds like you are getting alot done! I have been on a rampage around my house. Cleaning and organizing, and getting rid of unwanted items. I have been going, going, going and I can't seem to stop!

erin said...

I had a big fear of having twins cause I had heard all these horror stories about how it's impossible to nurse them and hey I'm one of those fuck wad breast feeding nazis!

I'm thinking about a new table too (dining room, no kitchen table here). I like those giant square ones. Really like them.

Sandi said...

BEAUTIFUL post! I love your writing.

I am so excited for you. Following you on this journey is going to be sweat. Sweet as honey! LOL

Starlene said...

Your narration of moments of consciousness is so real and inspiring. I'm beginning to understand. I never wanted any children...couldn't bear to think of creating a beloved child with nothing to give except this imperfect world that I see more like a horrible tragedy than a mere imperfect series of little mistakes. It would take too long to explain...I won't do that to your comment box. : ) Now, as I'm feeling the years creeping up on me and noticing how an absence of a long-term purpose eats away at you...I think I'm beginning to understand. Everyone says, "you'll never be ready if you wait until you are. you'll never have enough money and you'll never be in a better place mentally." I think I'm beginning to understand why none of those even matter anyway.

I'm following your stories with interest. : )

Amber said...

I've been wondering about you...how you're feeling and doing. Glad the sickness has subsided a bit and you're getting your house glowing. I'm sure you look lovely :-)

Annie King said...

Twins? What does the doctor say?

Miss Grace said...

Please to have some pictures of your loveliness?

Erin said...

Just keep telling yourself, "my body, it has holy purpose." It's strange how doing something so incredible can make you feel so shitty.

Wanderlusting said...

Love your writing, so happy to be along for the ride :)

Greenfingers said...

'puss smells like honey'. Wow Maggie, I didn't know there was so many scents involved in childbirth?! Look after yourself.

Johanna said...

I love these stories. I never thought this would happen, but I have been daydreaming about being a Mom. I can feel my face softening every time I see a baby.

You are a lovely writer, and funny!

Robin said...

I am glad you are starting to feel better even if only gradually!

Lola said...

Please post photos of you in your pretty dress and kitten photos! We might be getting another puppy tomorrow ;0 You're the first to know.

Glad you're feeling better, my friend!

Delphine said...

I am so feeling your joy Maggie May, you are dripping with it! Lucky, lucky you, sickness and all! Oh to be nesting again! Enjoy every sickly, honey flavoured, antsceptic moment of it!!

Elizabeth said...

So glad you're back -- and it might be crazy, but I'm envious a bit of your pregnancy (not the vomiting part)...

Jeanne said...

It's been nearly 36 years since I was pregnant, and your words bring it all back -- the joy, the fear, the hope, the ferocious nesting, the sudden tears....

Happy Mother's Day!

Diana said...

happy mothers day!!

Miss Eve said...

Congratulations and good luck with the pregnancy :-) Twins...such a blessing, love: Evi

this wheel's on fire said...

pregnancy is such a beautiful, strange thing!

Woman in a Window said...

You must REALLY smell like honey. Even Mr. Curry is calling you by your smell now!

Eeks. One is enough! I know, i know.

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

It is truly amazing how something can be both wonderful and terrifying all at the same time.

Glad you're starting to feel a bit better!

molly said...

it's so juicy reading about your mind-set while being preggers. for so long i thought i would be feeling, thinking, reeling with similar things...when i read this, it can make me a little sad, but more so, it makes me happy that you're so present in the moment and i can check in with it. thanks, mm.

Holly said...

i love your candid posts like this! hey, at least you wont have as many babies as you have kittens ;)

Bird Bath said...

sounds lovely and exciting. glad to hear you've got more energy back.

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