Friday, June 19, 2009

Lola


Your tenderness is almost unbearable. Your skin, your mouth, the pink tint of your eyelids, the skin inside your thighs, your naked feminine parts, earlobes, the roundness of your big toe, like sea-stone, your unhinged uninhibited laughter, your squat on the toilet, song in the shower, your hiccuping tears, finger in nose, the open slice of your mouth in sleep, long long arms round Daddy's shoulders, long long legs wrapped round Daddy's waist, the honeysuckle delicious sugar of your breath, your soft self-talk during play, the fever of your complaints, your absolute unabashed need to be cared for, watched over, protected, loved.

Our silent knowledge that I will not write, even here, in case the words are magnets that draw power into our lives and make the possible true.

When bad things happen, you are the pulse that the family keeps watch by. You are the soft baby of the family, the newest born to this life, the changeling, the one whose eyes are still a star, innocent. If you are moving in your unconscious ease and trust, then we are doing our job. Your hurts are still transitory. Your pain sharp but once gone, totally forgotten. The moment still captures you entirely. If Mommy is sad and solemn faced, you are concerned, and then you are rolling in barrel laughter on the floor with Daddy. Your brothers alternately protect you and push you around. You trust the boundries of their tease.

I look into your face and your pliable limbs and I see much more than the beauty of youth. I see what is renewable and what is the spirit of human life, before we are more complicated with the deductions of our mind. You are the reminder that life moves swiftly and that the most true and comforting response is the one we allow in and allow out like blood through the arteries of the heart. In, out. In out. Your smile flashes like the sunlight through the curtains.

I love you beyond that curtain.
Vodka Mom said...

but when she calls you a F*** B*** because you won't let her take the car?

Yeah, you'll still lover her. even then.

Vodka Mom said...

That really was exquisite, I just couldn't resist the first thought that came to mind.......

therapydoc said...

You're SUCH a good writer. :)

Ms. Moon said...

I can't even say it.

Paula said...

Your words are beautiful. Such a gift. Thank you for finding me and in turn me finding you. Your eloquent mind is a gift to us all.

Maggie May said...

vodka my Dakota is 15 on Monday so I know exactly what you mean- and I still love him, yes

Jenn said...

Spoken in the truest and purest words of a proud and loving mom. Just beautiful!

Jason, as himself said...

Awwwww! That is so sweetly written.

JJ Keith said...

Oh, so lovely post. I can't wait to read your novel.

Not The Rockefellers said...

Beautiful words, Beautiful girl, Beautiful Mom,Beautiful family...

Sharon said...

My daughter is 25 and she still lights up the room wherever she goes. I hope she never loses that because you can't help but smile when she's around. Hopefully, in a house full of men, you and Lola will always remain close.

Just Jules said...

lovely photo to go with post

Annie King said...

Hi Maggie,

You've given me a mystery: "Our silent knowledge that I will not write, even here, in case the words are magnets that draw power into our lives and make the possible true."

Other words I especially like, along with everything else you've written here: "the one whose eyes are still a star"

Part of what you're saying is that ability to live in the moment, which Lola still possesses: "The moment still captures you entirely." I love that about young children. Rarely, we adults relive that pleasure.

Maggie May said...

Jules thank you- I'm proud of that photo, I took it in our sunroom.

Annie- Yes. What a careful and intelligent reader you are.

Shana said...

she is such a beauty. you too : )

bernthis said...

okay, I cried. I just flat out cried. beautiful

bernthis said...

don't know if my comment made it through but I wanted you to know this post was so incredibly beautiful

Vashti said...

that is such a peaceful photo of her. she really is beautiful. As i write this i am listening to Jesse play by himself, talking away to friends unseen! I love it.
You really are a great writer. I love how you take not one part of your daughter for granted.
Have a GREAT day.
xx

Keeper of the Skies Wife said...

Life does move swiftly, indeed.

This was beautifully written.

hayley said...

Maggie May, it's so beautiful what you wrote about your daughter. The idea that you wrote about loving her as she comes through the window -- and outside of that window. It's really true beauty. Beautiful writing, looking forward to reading more of what you write...

IB said...

Man, I am glad you commented on my blog. Somehow I have, until now, missed yours. Looks like I've got some catching up to do. You are a great writer!

hoppytoddle said...

I was on vacation when things went so badly for you. I know I just started reading, but I've been holding my mouth reading this. I'm glad you're remembering your blessings, in some way, shape, etc. I am so sorry.

Lola said...

So beautiful, your daughter, and your words!

Lacey said...

Gosh I loved this post. Kids... are amazing. And your ability is amazing, which I know I've said like 14 billion times already, haha. The picture of Lola is beautiful also. :-)

bellarum said...

A universal feeling that is felt by so many mothers, but you put it into words in such a singularly beautiful way.

Dana's Brain said...

Beautiful - girl and words. There is something about that fluidity of youth.

Woman in a Window said...

This
is
perfect.

Barrie said...

I loved reading this.

Sandy said...

Just wanted to stop by and thank you for your nice comment about Oscar. I love your blog!

http://sandyraymond.com

Leigh said...

You made me still with your words, I am touched with your writing. Such a gift!
xo

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Vodka was right, you are incredibly talented. That was beautiful.

Jane said...

This was so moving. My own baby is 27 now, and after a lifetime of hand-in-hand, heart-to-heart closeness, she has let go because her new husband doesn't approve of my "lifestyle". It has been the single most painful thing I've ever experienced.

Reading this made me remember the girl I once nurtured, protected, and loved, fiercely and tenderly.

Thank you.

krista said...

so so beautiful.

dizzblnd said...

you are a very gifted writer!

Vodka Mom sent me. She has great powers... beware!

Essie the Accidental Mommy said...

Great post and love the picture. One of my daughters does the self- talk while she is playing alone as well. It is fun to listen in on her when she doesnt know. She sings and jabbers unintelligibly even though she is fully articulate. Your daughter sounds delightful!

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

What a beautiful, and lyrical post. Gosh, it almost (ALMOST!) makes me want to have kids. I came by here because Vodka Mom told me to. And I'm glad I did. You're a wonderful writer. Such a unique voice. I get sick of hearing people talk about their kids and then I see your words. Beautiful.

Happy Sunday!

Jeanne said...

She's beautiful -- you are truly blessed.

a cat of impossible colour said...

How beautiful.

Bee said...

When you know what's coming, the way that kids grow up, I think you value this Lola stage all the more.

Beautiful writing.

(My oldest daughter turned 15 this week!)

Annabelle said...

Ohhh that is just beautiful... your words are so liquid, smooth and lovely :-)

Kelly (conversemomma) said...

This gave me chills. I don't know what I love more, the image of you feeling it to write it down, or her reading it one day and knowing that you did, are, felt it.

Freida Bee, MD said...

so visceral.

My children are doing grandparents and birth fathers, but my own Lola, still my Lola at 14, is here alone with me, but living her own full life, and I am appreciating the chance to miss them. It is a renewal of my awe, a time to slow down and simplify, so they can come back and I can give that to them, the appreciation they require, the reverence they deserve.

Maggie May said...

Beautiful post.
I just had to check out who this other Maggie May was!
Came over from Suldog!

Cat said...

Lovely words for a lovely girl.

Erin said...

What a beautiful thing she'll have to look back on, a love letter from her mother.

dollcannotfly said...

Thank you for stopping by my blog and commenting. Now having read your beautiful words, I am very touched that you would take the time to comment on my own loss. I usually do "funny," but I'm just not feeling it right now.

Vic said...

You are gifted in more ways than one.

Lovely.

Bobbie Leigh said...

Beautiful, I'm speechless.

Cassie said...

Beautiful. So sweet and tender.

Quixsa said...

It's 9:40 am and you made me cry.shoot.lol.

This is one of the most beautiful love letters I have ever read.

Suldog said...

Lovely, and lovingly written. Nice job!

Thanks so much for the kind words over at my place. They were much appreciated.

Miss Grace said...

This is heartbreakingly beautiful and vivid.

J said...

This is such beautiful writing.

Lydia said...

You are now in my blogroll of Enchantors. Wish there were more I could do as an indicator of my admiration for your special talent and skill.

Holly said...

so stinkin beautiful. will you read this to lola? maybe later?

Maggie May said...

later :)

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