Sunday, December 27, 2009

A List

A list of letters, by Maggie May Ethridge

1 Dear Percy ( Percy the dog 1980-1990, died of unknown causes in our backyard, Shetland
Sheepdog, black white brown color, remembered for the clip clip clip noise of his nails on
the floor as he ran to my bedroom, the snuff of his wet nose, the retrieving of any sizable
object, 4am runs with Mom, licking tears of sisters faces while parents screamed )

2 Dear Lura ( Disappeared sister, born 1976, very high IQ, excruciatingly soft-spoken,
gorgeous, tall, tortured )

3 Dear Baby ( Lost Curry baby, lost June 2009 in the early morning hours at 13 weeks old )

4 Dear Unnamed ( Possible higher power, God, Allah, Buddha, Nature, unknown address
and existence )

5 Dear Bridget ( Former best friend from ages 13-16, boyfriend killed in drunk driving accident
at 21, last known qualifiers, meth addiction, alcoholism, despair )
Elizabeth said...

That's intense. If we all did this, we might wrap the world with our letters.

katiecrackernuts said...

Yes, but what did you find, make, discover, learn, create, believe in?

Annie said...

Hi Maggie,
This post is poignant,understated, and powerful. I just gave you a well deserved award at my blog. As always, please take care of yourself. Sending hugs. ~ Annie

magnoliaamber said...

unravel the mystery of life. Be strong, Maggie...

Ms. Moon said...

Dear Maggie May- You are still here. Thank Diety-of-your-choice.
Love...Mary

Petit fleur said...

Love you Maggie.

Maggie May said...

Katie- i created this.

krista said...

i have letters i haven't even been able to address yet.
big hugs to your ribcage. me to you.

Elisabeth said...

Oh Magie May of the beautiful name, there's so much pain here.

Juniper said...

Something about the description of dog nails on a wooden floor and licked tears that makes my heart ache, we lost our sweet dog while I was away and never had the chance to say goodbye.
I like this post as heavy and hard as it is. Wish I had better words to say as a response but I can not leave without saying that I was affected by it and it will stay with me for some time.

Maggie May said...

Krista I have to meet you one day.

Elisabeth yes, and thank you for reading, just for saying 'hello, i was here.'

Juniper thank you for that. It is heavy and hard and that's just what it is. Sometimes I hesitate to put what I want to put here on this blog because I know many readers won't either like it or/and get it. But then that very hesitation itself pushes me to post it, because it is in that hesitation that I might lose my creative self, which cannot be forged from outward expectations or desires, but has to be created from the subconcious and concious mind as it experiences life, and expresses that experience. without that honest expression, even in fiction, the art will wilt like a plant in a corner. whether another considers it 'art' is beside the point. it's what i must keep working for or else i pay in droves. i feel sick and crazy when i don't write as my instinct tells me to.

i love you all for reading.

what is a writer

without readers?

Maggie May said...

also Percy was the dog of all dogs. he was magnificent, a true gentleman, and deserved much better than the family he got. but he was so loved. i can still feel the love for him i felt almost 20 years ago.

Sundari said...

Oh, it sounds like you have had much sadness in your life. I still miss my dog so much too. Your sisters disappearance sounds quite devastating.

yolanda said...

i have my own list too.

te quiero!

angela simione said...

i don't know how to tell you how i'm reacting to this post other than it is jarring. in a very beautiful, tender, squirming way. the absence of the letters themselves is so beautiful. i get to imagine them... all the things they would contain. all the things that are impossible to say. i had a sheep dog too when i was little. just like the shaggy DA. his name was maxwell. and yes, "while parents screamed".

thank you for this.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Love you, Maggie. It's a shitty season. Hope you survived it.

SB

T. Clear said...

I love this post, its intensity, its abbreviated essence.

Darcy said...

this list is part poem. memoir. art. sadness. and tribute.

Alix said...

You always make me feel so much with so few words. I don't always understand the way I wish to, but I still feel them loud and clear. Disappeared sister?

Phoenix said...

So many things unsent... I have a stack of Father's Day cards in my apartment. Each one brand new, empty. I bought one every year for years, never knowing what to say. Never sent them, never even wrote in them. Nothing to say, nothing to say.

The silence was my first clue.

Nancy Campbell said...

You've distilled it all, and let us feel it with you. I wish we could briefly feel it for you so you could have a break.

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