The Evil Dr. G

i know a doctor, i shan't say
his name
he starts with a G and ends
with an e
diagnosis is his fame.

he tells me i have cancer
every time
i call
and i bite my nails and 
pick at scales
and never stop at all.

' green nails ' = cancer
' white poop ' = oh dear, 
you're quite dead
' lumpy tongue ' = just
head straight to the morgue
instead.

pee frequently or less?
oh wait, it doesn't matter.
your deader than a doornail
if a doornail hadder
bladder.

my goodness this doctor
gives what
he's worth.
the cost of a land line
and my bubble
burst.

i thought i might fix
it with
green tea or a vitamin
but i'm a hopeless case
when this doctor
is in.

used to be the worst
thoughts
were reserved for last
now they are first thoughts
when passing
stinky gas.

so if you want to ensure
you will live 
long time (or at least
through the night)
don't call on my doctor
he'll kill you 
on sight.