Wednesday, February 6, 2013

10 Things A Toddler Loves

She looks so innocent!

1. Any toddler worth his or her saggy diaper will love it when you fake-hurt yourself. The worse, the better. Drop a book on your foot and jump up and down holding foot while howling? Really funny. Pretend to trip and fall down while making loud OOMPH? Hysterical! Walk into a wall that makes the BOINGG sound while you spin in circles? Killing it!!!

2. Being naked is the top of the hill for toddlers. Everything is better naked!! is pretty much their theme.  Water play is obviously better naked. Running in circles rules while naked. And dancing? You pretty much HAVE to be naked to bust the best moves. Ever can barely contain her booty shakin, leg kicking and arm pumping when her clothes are coming off. 

3. Other family members crying, especially brothers and sisters. This gives toddlers a chance to play sad, like when Ever hit Lola directly in the face in the bathtub and then asked immediately after, while Lola cried, ' Lola, WHAT'S WRONG?!! ' Oh you're good, young one, realllly good.

4. Taking things that are in things and putting those things in as many square miles as possible while throwing the things that things came in also as many square miles as possible. 

5. Putting things in the toilet, then looking completely clueless when Mom and Dad run around frantically looking for a. their wallet b. the cell c. the remote, remaining smug and calm until the moment when someone realizes they've just pooped on 200 dollars.

6. Smelling a body part, ie feet, armpits, etc, and saying EWWWW in the loudest, most grossed out voice possible. Could anything ever be funnier? 

7. Drawing on everything that isn't paper. This includes the walls, furniture including all fabrics, metals and woods, the toilet, their body, all flooring, doors, shoes, clothing and the inner ear of the dog.

8. Cheese sticks, noodles and milk. If she ever poops again, you get to change her.

9. Toy stores. Training day for parents. The place where gruesome battle of wills, toy 'organizing', spills, 'that's not stealing, is it?', feeble apologies to silent and judgmental employees, 'oh my god where IS SHE' and the one hour five minute warning to leave.

10. Zerberts ie fart noises. Bazinga!
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