|i have arrived home at 9:30pm.|
run five miles in dark suburbia. wait- hours before, at 4pm, the whole family walks to pizza. i get gluten free with veggies and it is delicious. we get ice cream. i get kiddie sized chocolate and peanut butter and it is delicious. one mile there, eat, one mile back. wait- hours before, at 1pm, Mr. Curry comes home from work, dashing in on his way to a job site, to help Bodie, our 12 year old golden, get up. his hind legs are not working well, one leg hangs useless and splays like a donkey foot underneath his bulk. Mr. Curry lifts him and finally he get his leg up, takes off, pees, eats, we praise him and give him wet dog food and pet his grey face. arthritis or cancer. the picks of the aging body are slim pickings. we will need to take him for an x-ray. Wolfgang, our 11 10 year old mix, has been licking a place on Bodie's lower back right above his tail, for weeks. Mr. Curry and i discuss stories of dogs who can smell cancer and eye each other sadly. still, in that moment, i wonder if i could get Mr. Curry in the bedroom alone. wait- hours before, i wake with Ever and Lola, Lola being home, on Spring Break. wait- hours before, the night before, the three of us have slept together. we went to bed late. Mr. Curry, who wakes at 4:30 am, went to bed at 8:30 the night before. I read three books to Ever, cuddled her, kissed her muffin pits and her face, told her i loved her for the 30 or 40th time that day, put her to bed, and then Lola and I watched one Modern Family and one 30 Rock.
we wake and i feel the tendrils of joy throughout my body. i tell Lola, if I had to do one thing for the rest of my life, it would be to be with my family. i have told my kids since they were little, if nothing else ever happens to me, being your mother, being the daughter of my mother, being Mr. Curry's wife, being in this family- it's more than enough. i would not feel cheated. i would love to do more. but that more does not haunt me or drive me. it motivates me. it excites me. but i am deeply satisfied with love.