Thursday, February 4, 2016

Beautiful Ugly People

Mr. Curry and I had such a ribald night last weekend. We got smashed on Jack Daniels, rolled around on a sheepskin rug naked in front of the fireplace, watched a bad movie, fell into one of those trance-like states of lust/love that is still possible, when the dead leaves and frost cover fall away from the days,when Grandma takes the kids, when we are alone for long enough to be still and silent together. It's not politically correct to say that when I'm with Mr. Curry is the only time I feel completely, totally at ease, but it's true. He's it for me. We have a shared experience, or a shared consciousness of the world, that I've never known with any other person. It's incredible. It's also made balance more difficult, but now rounding the bend of our 13th year of marriage, we are getting better at it. We see things coming down the road, we don't have to wait for the headlights to blind us before we're hit. There is acceptance, there is resilience, there is a maturity that allows for emotional discipline, part of which has been fashioned under the gaze of four sets of eyes, our children. The man has seen my intestines, piled glisteningly on my abdomen, when the doctor signaled for him to look too soon during my C-Section. He's wiped my ass, after my last two surgeries. He's cradled me as I bled our 13 week baby out. While I try to maintain some mystery, for fun, at the heart and soul of our relationship there are two aging bodies and souls that completely accept each other's failures, sags and moans, while celebrating all the beautiful. I was so smart to marry my best friend, and so lucky that passion came with it, that romantic love was a seed that grew into this. Our lives together have been hard. Financially, mentally, physically, hard. We've had incredible breaks, and some great luck, but by and large it's been he and I, waking each morning and deciding 'Today, here I am, and here I'll stay', working and working and working to be better than we were the day before, more true to ourselves and our values, more generous, forgiving, hopeful and tender. Out of that shared devotion to our family life has come a tremendous mutual respect that continues to grow. It is one of the best gifts of my marriage. Along with amazing, mind-blowing sex. That, too. Oh, and our kids. Those guys.

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