Thursday, December 16, 2010

Mr. Curry and Ever

13 days old on Daddy's chest

Mr. Curry is so in love and so paranoid about her safety, but in the sweetest way, not fearful but just incredibly protective. He holds in her in the bath while I sponge clean her head and bits, and she looks so fragile and beautiful it makes our hearts ache. Did you know that in the animal kingdom, human babies are born the most vulnerable, the least able to protect or care for themselves at all? Our heads can't be too big or birth would be impossible. Last night's dinner of breakfast for dinner ( eggs with spinach, french toast and sausage ) went over much better in her stomach than the before mentioned beans. I've cut out dairy, chocolate, beans and caffeine. I had to do the same for Lola when she was a nursing infant. Ever is a champion nurser, although she does tend toward a small latch, so I have to reopen her mouth and have her do it again because...ouch.

The anxiety is much better. Thank god for zoloft. My anxiety is chemical, it's not the result of negative thoughts, but the incredible churning chemical muck that happens inside of me like a diver's feet of the springboard, an overabundance of cortisol and adrenaline and depletion of seratonin, a process that I've tried to stop with high dose fish oil and exercise and self help, but that when in it's extremes, only responds to medication. Medium anxiety responds to the other measures, but this panic and clenched muscles and nightmarish feeling that leaves my muscles pulled and my heart skipping beats and my body jerking...that needs stronger muscle. And my children need ME, their mother, not the fearful, shaky and terrorized person I am when in the grips.

Mr. Curry.... is the love of my life. To see him move from reading Lola Harry Potter the other night to holding Ever while I shower is incredible for me. To have his eyes and voice and hands steadying me when I am lost is one of the biggest blessings of my life.

Gberger said...

Congratulations on your beautiful Ever! Catching up and seeing all of the family portraits - what a wonderful holiday gift for all of you. Take it easy, be kind to yourself. Post-partum is hard on us, and after a C-section, really a big work (in my experience). Sending wishes and prayers for many more blessings for each and "Ever" one of you!

Elizabeth said...

I'm dying over that last photo.

Rebecca said...

She is precious favorite photos are of daddies and their babies. Thanks for sharing!

Corinne Cunningham said...

Beautiful pictures... she is just perfect!
I'm so glad you have something that helps (I started on Zoloft about a month ago, and I echo your sentiments... thank god for it...) Enjoy the tiny feet and hands!

C.M. Jackson said...

beautiful shot--you are blessed--c

Ms. Moon said...

When you think about the huge chemical shift which happens in a woman's body from being a pregnant woman to a nursing mother- well, it's amazing any of us survive.
I am SO glad you got help and are taking the medications.
And the blessing of having a husband like that?
Well. Nothing in this world except the children they love is better.
I keep saying this but I can't help it- such beauty.

Elizabeth @claritychaos said...

The way you describe your love for your husband is so powerful and moving. I love hearing/seeing/reading about couples who really truly love each other.

Congrats on that baby girl and growing family of yours, Maggie. Happily After Ever. :)


Bethany said...

Hi Maggie, I've been visiting but I can't remember if I commented. I wanted to make sure I said congrats and wow and how beautiful she is and you too. Your whole family.
I love your writing and your honesty and most of all your bravery.
So glad you're feeling better.
Gosh you describe anxiety so damn well.
That hubby is some man.

Were the kids ever scared of that tat? ;-)

Paula said...

There's nothing like a man holding a tiny baby to absolutely melt your soul. You're a lucky lady.

Annie said...

Hi Maggie,
These are beautiful photos. Don't our husbands amaze us? I remember when my husband fell in love with our son, not just the idea of him, but the reality- when I was getting my amnio at 16 weeks, and we saw him on the screen, kicking his tiny feet, and that scary needle was much too close. Thank you for sharing all this. You bring back fond memories of nursing, and all the early years when my son was small. I'm glad the medicine is working for you, so you can enjoy these special times.

Petit fleur said...

That is the most adorable picture ever! That looks like one tired pappa!


Caroline said...

she is simply breathtaking. and i think she looks a lot like you.
and...i am so glad you are feeling better! you were a smart cookie to recognize what was happening to you and to be able to take action.

Anonymous said...

happy happy you are better!!
love to you all!!

Unknown said...

All the love. Just love. xxx

Mwa said...

Gorgeous. And hurray for doing what you need to do. That's all any of us can do.

(My nipple hurts, too. I sympathise.)

Sarcastic Bastard said...

The photos are gorgeous. I love how good Mr. Curry is to you.

Happy holidays to all of you!



izzabitz said...

She could not be more beautiful.

37paddington said...

maggie may, she looks so much like you! she has old soul eyes. beautiful pictures of your girl and her dad who is clearly in love. wonderful.

justmakingourway said...

This post just brought tears to my eyes. So much love, it's beautiful.

And you are right - that family needs you. I'm glad to hear the zoloft is helping. Happy Mama = happy family.


Gledwood said...

That's beautiful

I'm trying to work out where you live now.

Is that apartment block in Paris? Looks v Parisien to me, then again I only have a European frame of reference, so I honestly wouldn't know...

... best of luck with novel #2 ;-)

thais said...

so powerful to read all your life battles and victories. congrats on knowing where you stand, and on having so much love inside your heart and around you!

michelle said...

Mr Curry looks like he's in a swoon. Best place to be.

Yes. Peaceful Mama=Peaceful Children


Anonymous said...

Congratulations. Thanks for sharing Ever's early days with us. You have a beautiful family!

AmandaJo said...


I know I don't know you, but reading your posts (all of them, but especially lately) makes my heart burst. I think I might love you and your beautiful family just a li(lot)ttle.

So happy you're feeling better. So happy Ever and Mr. Curry and the kids are well.

Unknown said...

Precious. Simply precious.

E said...

Oh me, daddies holding babies has to be the most beautiful thing ever.

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