Wednesday, April 8, 2015

everything is possible

this isn't a comeback i've been here for years, re-birth, awakening, existential realization, sensory health,  vitamins, cod liver oil, the legs and arms pistons through suburban night ( coil, spring, pain ) hormonal recalibration, don't call this mid-life i've been here for years

i am afraid of some of the things that i know. i know them, not the way you know your bed, the way you could slide the covers down- and probably do- in darkness, moving your pillow into just the right position, avoiding the corner of the bookshelf, pulling your feet up into just the right spot on the mattress, leaning over without seeing but feeling for the reading lamp and then, just beyond, the glass of ice water you set just minutes ago. not like that, but close. some things i know that i am afraid of are that so far, in this unfathomable infinitesimal blink of life i've been gifted, when i do what i believe i need to do, no matter how impossible, ridiculous or injurious in other ways it may be, if i believe it is really, gut wrenchingly the one right thing to do, and i do it, everything works out better than it was before.

and then i think, no, i just have a very supportive mother.

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