Top Ten Reasons Why I Can't Go To Work Today

' i cannot go to school today
said little peggy anne mckay
i have the measles and the mumps
a gash a rash and purple bumps!'
- Shel Silverstein

1 my eye bags are particularly offensive this morning.

2 i have coffee breath and dropped my toothbrush in the toilet.

3 my cat peed in my purse, de-activating my car lock, and i can't get in my car.

4 my children are becoming enslaved to the establishment and i need to free them
from the puritanical expectations of organized education, and i don't want to go to work.

5 i'm going to be late anyway.

6 how will i ever chisel my body into a sparkling statue of Greek Goddess perfection
if i can't find time for 5 Minute Abs?

7 i have a hangnail. ouch.

8 if i call my husband right now, i bet he'll come home to get some.

9 the phone is ringing.

10 my real life doesn't involve group urination.


xo
ps
i don't want to go to work today
said little maggie may

sigh.
GROW UP GIRL.
TURD BURGLAR!!!!!