Friday, February 26, 2010

Chelsea Missing

There is a young girl missing. She goes to the same high school as my son. 17, beautiful, smart, and by personal account of someone who knows her well- a woman I know who works at Starbucks and whose daughter is a good friend of hers- funny as hell and just as sweet. She plays French horn. A cross country runner, she parked her car near canyon trails by my home and took off: 2pm. No one has seen her since. Her cell phone was left in her car.

Once you have children, you are exposed tendon and bone to the air. You realize, as if you were birthed along with them in that blood and pain and tears of joy, that if something horrible happened to them, something horrible happened to you, and not simply in your emotions- i feel sad, i feel lost- but in your very concept of existence. Is life worth living when something so horrible happens that Earth is not Earth, but a place where you suffer the most unbearable of agonies: the inability to protect your child from great and unbearable pain. Perhaps I am not making sense. Perhaps I am lost in these words, somewhere back when I began and wrote ' something horrible happened to them... ' Perhaps as soon as the reality of this kind of suffering brushes my shoulders, I am borne back into the greatest suffering I have so far known, my childhood suffering, and then I realize that like childbirth, that was not the worst pain, not close: no, the pain of this young woman's parents is going to grow to a point so unbearable that they will wish to die.

Whatever we are made of- body, soul, mind- none of these three escape this agony and transformation; transmutation. I can feel myself changing simply by imagining it. As a mother, you imagine disaster. As a person who has experienced real suffering as part of my coming of age, I imagine it even more so- so aware as I am of it's reality and possibility. And then as a novelist, I imagine it in a way that turns my stomach, ruins the bowels, and left me tonight in Target crying while holding Lola's hand and moving past the sign that holds this girl's bright, shining face and open eyes, blue and wide, a smile and eyes made for open American fields and the endless possibilities of youth and good health and intelligence and a heart that has been good and loved and full. I can look at her face and see this. I can look at the slender turn of her left ear, exposed by the soft tucking in of blonde hair behind her ear, a gesture I know her mother will think of and crave the way you crave water, or food, or air.

They have not found a thing.

Please pray for her. Here.
Petunia Face said...

My stomach dropped reading this. I will do my version of praying for this girl and her family.

Please keep us updated?

katydidnot said...

i am so sad.

Terresa said...

Sad to hear this, is chills my bones. I hope she is found safe and her family is watched over and blessed during this time.

{PS: I read the linked news report -- Rancho Bernardo & Poway? Small world, we used to live in RB...}

CitricSugar said...

She and her family have my prayers. Let us know if there's anything else we can do.

Just awful.

WarsawMommy said...

This is so awful - I am sending her and her family all my good thoughts. They are crossing a continent and an ocean...

Any news yet?

Lydia said...

Tragic sick society...what possible meaning are we supposed to take from things like this? Each and every such episode kills us a little more inside -- even the ones that turn out OK have damaged us with toxic fear. It can be a reminder that we each must be very awake and aware...of the seven-year-old who kills cats and of what he most undoubtedly will become as a man...of the quiet boy in class who we suspect may be being molested but haven't made a move to help...of that guy or couple down the block who just doesn't seem quite right, or who seems too good to be true...and, finally, to be awake and aware of our own surroundings--and to not ignore the cautionary whisper of warning inside, or the one sharp scream echoing from across the canyon.

Allegra Smith said...

Before I came back to answer I lit a candle to Quan Yin She who protects women and children. I got a chill when I read your post and I know in my bones what that fear feels like.
I will only think positive thoughts that she may have gotten lost, and that she fell and that she is going to be found fine and with only a twisted ankle. Are you listening, Universe?

Carol said...

I hope for her safe return. As a parent, I cannot even verbalise my fears.

Ocean Girl said...

No.

abigail said...

so awful.
I will keep her and her family in my thoughts and prayers.

starrlife said...

Horrible. I have a vivid imagination too and sometimes it really sucks.

Ms. Moon said...

There is a missing girl here, too. I know exactly what you are talking about. When one of my children was hit by a car and I was speeding to the hospital, not knowing if she was dead or alive or...what...I wished with all my heart that I had not ever had children because I COULD NOT BEAR THIS SORT OF PAIN.
My daughter was hurt, but not killed. She walks, she talks, she dances. It is a miracle. I pray for a miracle and safe-finding for Chelsea.

Lola Sharp said...

My heart is breaking.

My heart is breaking...it breaks every time these stories hit the news. As a mother it is a blow in my gut.

I hope they find her, safe.

Prayers for her, her family, and all children and mothers everywhere.

Rachel said...

Thanks for posting this. my heart goes out to this family...keep us posted.

Thanks for your comment on my page. I'm writing about marriage these days and would love thoughts from you about your marriage which seems to be very magical from what you've written on your blog. :)

Again, keep us posted. Love your writing!

Rachel said...

i meant to leave you my email:
rachel_rooke@yahoo.com

Brigindo said...

You are making perfect sense and every parent knows that fear. To know it is realized for another parent is painful. To have it realized for yourself must be all you described and so much more.

Shelli said...

Oh, it makes your heart drop. I think every parent's nightmare is that moment when you discover that you really can't protect your child. Not from the world, not from what happened to you.

My prayers will be with her and her family.

Drax said...

What Petunia Face said: I will "pray."

mosey said...

My heart sunk upon reading this. And you describe perfectly the feeling a parent might have (or does have) when they lose a child for whatever reason. My daughter was missing for an hour and a half last weekend. All ended well, but a week later my neck and back are still crunched up with the stress of that morning.

My heart and prayers are with her family.

That one girl said...

My worst, worst, worst nightmare. I hope people band together and find her!!! Keep us updated!

Dancing Branflake said...

I feel so horrible for her family. I can't imagine the horrors they are going through. They are in my prayers.

Elizabeth said...

Oh, my God. This is so terrible. Thank you for posting because so often we see or hear these stories and are numbed by them. I feel closer to it through what you've written and will pray today that some sort of resolution comes. Please keep us posted.

*mary* said...

No, you make perfect sense: Once you have children, you are exposed tendon and bone to the air."

I hope this girl is found safe. For her sake, and her mother and father's. Her friends. I hope she's just lost her way and they find her soon. I hope this has a happy ending.

Lisa Page Rosenberg said...

Praying. Praying.

just making my way said...

There is no greater fear, I think, for a parent. I will keep her and her family in my thoughts.

molly said...

the sickness in the unknown is so terribly sad.

Angie Muresan said...

I am praying.

Therese said...

Shattering. This is heart and spirit-breaking. People are not meant to bear such anguish. Sending love and hope to this family.

Maggie May said...

Another search today, 1000 people, nothing.

It rains all day and night, and I think over and over how her parents must be wondering if she is in the rain and cold and wet and scared and being hurt. It is the most awful thing. Therese said it, people are not meant to bear this anguish.

Heather Taylor said...

This is so sad, I hope they find this beautiful girl and bring her home.

Middle Child said...

I read your comment re my husband and then this- my goodness - we have to hope that there is some sort of heaven and conversely some sort of hell...
my email is tmackay@tsn.cc and if you cna handle it would be glad to send you the whole story...if not thats fine as well


Maggue May was one of my favourite Rod Stewart songs ...many goo memories there

Amie said...

This is so horrible. I have always been over-sensitive but since having my child, stories such as these are visceral. The pain is excruciating and I feel sick. I am so sorry for these parents and hope for miracles.

Still Life With Coffee said...

heartbreaking

deb said...

I am , will pray. Hard.

My teen son didn't come home one night, once, and I don't even want to remember that darkness.

magnoliaamber said...

My prayer goes for her and the family.

Laura said...

Yes. It is the collective cry of the hearts of parents everywhere when one of our babies is endangered, hurt, in pain.

I will pray.

krista said...

this breaks my heart wide open.

Maggie May said...

no news. just praying.

Maggie May said...

Horrible news. Can't sleep. http://www.10news.com/news/22678790/detail.html

deb said...

oh, God.

leel said...

wow. you write like a river flows. I can't even fathom how that must feel, to her parents, to you, her friends & family in her community.

Violence of any type, let alone towards children and women, makes me sick. But it needs to be acknowledged so i thank you for making us all more aware through this post.

I am no pray-er by nature, but i will throw some prayers for this sweet girl & her poor parents.

Ellen said...

We have been out of town and while trying to catch up on all the lovely blogs I follow I read this and my heart dropped. Then I saw the news a few hours later and they say they have a suspect but no news of this young woman...Oh the pain her parents must be feeling. I simply don't know how I could handle this...like the Polly Klass story or the Dugard story...it wrenches the pain of what has happened. I understand another young woman was missing over a year ago in the same area and never found...take care and keep your eyes wide open...I hope they really have the right suspect and he says the truth...and that this young woman is found...

Maggie May said...

Not a religious person here, but prayer, I definitely do. And her family has mine with all my heart attached.

Alicia DiFabio said...

This makes my stomach churn and my soul hurt. I cant imagine... its beyond imaginable.... this is my BIGGEST fear for my children. I think about it every day. I dont ever want them to leave my sight -EVER. there are sick F-ers in this world...
I pray she is found ALIVE. I pray for her parents.... so heartbreaking.

Lydia said...

I just read the breaking news that Chelsea's body was found. Felt so helpless, hopeless...so came here to console and to know there is consolation to receive.
It is devastating news. My thoughts and prayers are with her family, friends, and the communities who reached out to help...including this blog.
Namaste.

Petit fleur said...

My God. I hope this turns out ok. I really really do.

Praying,
pf

Petit fleur said...

I didn't read the comments before commenting... sorry.

I'm so sorry for everyone. These tragedies touch all of us. I just do not understand why this still goes on.

I will continue to pray. Again, I am so very sorry.
Love,
pf

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