Sunday, February 28, 2010

she was clearly under severe stress

Varying Possibilities of choice for Handling Stress With Varying Degrees of Success


1 Random, Tourette like outbursts of inappropriate words, jokes or stories.
IE: ' Pussy! Pussssyyyy pussypussypussypussypussy! '
' Well. Surely Maggie was referring to her ailing cat at home. Regarding your taxes... '

2 Dancing
Yes.

3 Woody Allen movies
See Deconstructing Harry, Hannah and Her Sisters, Manhattan

4 Screaming orgasm
Comment: rough with children at home

5 Slapping face repeatedly with own hand
See American Beauty
Comment: painful, and difficult to explain later

6 Self indulgent morose or moody music listening
See Morrissey, The Cure, Enya, Joy Division, the entire Bruce Springsteen CD ' Nebraska '
Comment: painful but can be comforting and cathartic

7 Consumption of large amounts of chocolate and caffeine
Side Effects: embarrassing sweating, flushing, hot flashes, uncontrollable weeping and weight gain

8 Pot smoking, morbid fantasizing about own death and if funeral goers will wear half shirts
See Reality Bites

9 Gathering every person you love as near as you can, holding on as tightly as you can for long as you can and telling them you love them
Comment: Highly recommended
Side Effects: Possible severe discomfort if the UPS man had no idea how you felt.

xo
Therese said...

Happy chuckles!

Simply Mel said...

#4 and #9....favorites!

CitricSugar said...

I am dying of laughter over here!!

I wish you stress-relief wherever you find it, and if the UPS guy is extra-careful with your packages from now on, so be it!

Elizabeth said...

#10 Remind all of us "out here" how honored we are to know you in some small way.
Comment: It's true
Side effects: None

Maggie May said...

oh Elizabeth!! you are so sweet.

Terresa said...

Delightful! Yes to 2, 6, 7, & 9. I dose myself regularly with dark chocolate in all forms (liquid, solid, brownie, cookie). I've found it works best eaten quickly and in very small amounts. That way, seconds are always a possibility.

Vashti said...

Thanks to you I have started my monday with a smile even though our bank account is 100% empty! Thinking that I might try out a few of these later if my smile wears off!
x

Lydia said...

#3 Yes! And Annie Hall too.

Julie@beingRUBY said...

Great stuff
I've been known to indulge in a few of these remedies.. unfortunately some long forgotten!! Perhaps in need of UPS man!

On a sadder note.. just read your last post also. Will be keeping her in my thoughts! .. Julie

starrlife said...

How about spending hours in blogland looking for nuggets of humor to cheer them up! Priceless....
Great list Maggie!

Mama_Bear_Sarah said...

you forgot Drinking Wine ...lots of it! :)

erin said...

Do not. I repeat. Do not listen to The Cure's Apart. Everytime I get depressed I turn that shit on and I just drop zero gravity down the cry baby baller rabbit hole.

Poetikat said...

I like your style!

Kat

Ms. Moon said...

I recommend one of Springsteen's less dark albums and the dancing to it until you fall on the floor from happy exhaustion.

Angelika Conan Bammer said...

Number 6 is me all the way, baby. Thanks for this, I needed a reminder. It's life's perfect checklist!

Lola Sharp said...

Um, 6 & 7 I do everyday, happily and without stress.

Love this post...good times. #1...you mean that isn't normal?


Regarding Chelsea, I heard on the Today show this morning that they arrested a sex offender. They didn't say much else, but I'm surmising that while it is good they got the heinous, vile a-hole, there wont be a happy ending for Chelsea and her family. Heartwrenching.

love,
lola

Just B said...

Thanks for starting my Monday with a smile--9 and 10 even caused out loud laughing.

Hoping I get a UPS delivery today...

btw-comments on my blog deeply appreciated.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

You are so cute. This made me laugh.

Sending love,

SB

Middle Aged Woman said...

Really, the UPS guy should BE so lucky.

T. Clear said...

The UPS guy! You have me chuckling on a morning where a smile has been difficult to find....

just making my way said...

Ha! Poor UPS guy.

There is nothing better, in my book, then listening to The Cure for some catharsis.

Nancy C said...

I love this. Morrissey has never, ever done me wrong.

leel said...

i loved this! awesome!

Elizabeth said...

Hilarious! The poor UPS guy.

Sara said...

The Tourette's thing is always fun. Who can get mad at you for saying pussy when it's A DISEASE, DAMNIT! People are so inconsiderate of the disabled!

marshmellowness said...

haha i needed this.

Zip n Tizzy said...

Mmm... chocolate.
Sadly the UPS driver rarely visits our house, but you sure made me laugh!

Allegra Smith said...

Yes. Yes and Yes. With love on the top.

Kurt said...

Man, you called it onthe UPS man thing. They also hate having their legs dry-humped apparently.

Alicia DiFabio said...

HA! this is great. Is there an "all of the above" category?

OMG - i forgot about 'reality bites'! i remember LOVING that movie!

Jessica Eiden Smedley said...

My vote is for #1.

And now I must go rent Reality Bites as it's been so long since I've seen it...

Rianna said...

Wahahaaaaaa!

Jenn said...

Reality Bites is one of my favorite movies of all time, excelelnt reference!

I think the UPS man always knows...

Babe in Babeland said...

You are just kickass. Such a unique and perfect post.

Bethany said...

This was brilliant. Thanks for the laugh today, needed it badly.

thenextarrow said...

hahaha this is fantastic! #3 and #7 are my favorites.

xo Alison

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