Wednesday, February 23, 2011

new shit has come to light




In a house dominated by children one woman stands alone. She is partially shaven. She is leaking. She is bent over. Not a porn star. Not a cat ready for a hysterectomy. Just a woman who holds on to her beliefs with integrity, with passion, against all information and common sense.

Beliefs like, I will lose the last ten pounds of baby weight, and it won't all be from my breasts.
I will still enjoy sex even if it's with condoms and the wizened face of my baby five feet away. I will simultaneously have two teenage boys, a pre-teen daughter, a baby and remain interesting, engaged with my friends, sexy, a good conversationalist, and someone who can return phone calls within a reasonable time period. I will revel in all signs of age with feminist glory and self-love. I will forsake all cultural distractions which are not nourishing to the mind and spirit. I will eat healthy foods that spring from the bosom of the earth. I will not use products sold with a bald pirate wearing an earring on the front. I will use Earth friendly products only! I will perfectly balance the needs of my family on one hand while wearing clean underwear on the other. ( ? ) I will finish writing my novel with the 5% brain matter currently available for my use. I will not be concerned when the only thing to make me smile all day is a crude fart joke with vaguely sexist undertones. I will stop dropping off my children and hauling Ever to Starbucks in my slippers while pretending to myself that no one can tell they are slippers.



I Pity The Poo- Mr T
(my idea of what should be written on the butt of baby bloomers)
( these are the kinds of ideas i have now )
Marla said...

Lol You will survive, sister! Isn't it what all of us strong ladies have to do in the midst of sh*t? We are the strong sex indeed.
PS: Your kids are gorgeous!!!!

Amelia said...

G is 18 months, I've JUST started losing the weight, and my boobs have shrunk to nothingness first of course. We're not even going to discuss my conversational abilities. So, I hope you have MUCH better luck then I.

hayley j said...

i love the honesty. rock it!

Marion said...

I'm happy to see you haven't lost your great sense of humor. You're in the thick of life, Maggie. Revel in it---slippers, shit and all. You'll blink one day and they'll all be grown up. xo

Love & Blessings,
Marion

Ms. Moon said...

Good luck with all of that, sista.
My last baby is about to be 22 and I still haven't gotten around to many of my best-laid plans. And we shall not discuss breasts, okay?

Ms. Moon said...

P.S. Your kids are gorgeous.

Dari said...

Amen sister. I can relate to many of these things right now. Keep believing in you and the things you feel strongly about. You are awesome!

Christine said...

LOL "I pity the poo." I LOVE that idea!

Oh I can relate to so much of this. And thanks for letting me know that I am not (and thus YOU are not) the only one who has taken baby to Starbucks in slippers. :)

alovelylittleworld said...

And you still have a sense of humour ;)

Corinne said...

That would make the cutest diaper cover :)

Petit fleur said...

That was hilarious! I pity the poo!!!? ha!

I also love the part about the fart joke! My son is at the stage where he farts on his hand and then smells it. Boys are gross!

Anyway, this made me laugh, thanks. Good luck with all your proclamations.
xo

Lola Granola said...

Seriously, no one can tell they're slippers. Right? RIght?

Ok, well, just look at the cute baby, then.

Katy said...

What a lovely post & adorable babies. I am not a mother but I can't imagine the negatives that must come with it. However, I know the positives far out way them! I can't wait to experience Motherhood one day.. for now I am trying to enjoy only being responsible for one person, haha.

Katy

call me any name said...

be gentle with yourself - the rest comes in its own time if necessary

Drax said...

"I pity the poo, but lo, what shall happen when the poo pities me..."

Caroline of Salsa Pie said...

I will now pretend that the bus drivers don't notice I am wearing slippers when I walk my Lizzie to the bus! :))
Ahhhh, the battle to balance is tricky. I would love to know the secret.
p.s. first in line here to buy your novel once it's in print. I know it will be amazing.

Sarcastic Bastard said...

I love you, Maggie May. It all sounds quite reasonable to me, and Ever is one of the cutest babies EVER. I know--that was really BAD. Stinkeroo.

SB

Stephanie Meade Gresham said...

You will. And keep in mind, if you don't always, it's just fine. Love this post. You're my inspiration for the day.

Annie said...

Hi Maggie,
Hang in there. And you will lose the extra ten- just keep nursing. And who cares about the slippers. Still, you're at that stage (past the first few months of a brand new baby) where your mind is coming back, and you want your shoes to match. Happy writing, and everything else!

yolanda said...

look, maggie... your words are the beginning of a poem! inspiring!!
you´ll be fine!!!!
love you!!!!
yolanda

POPPY FRENCH said...

Gosh, I haven't got any kids and don't manage those things. Your amazing! And that Mr T joke made me laugh!

~Amber Elise~ said...

You will Make IT!!! I believe in YOU!! This does remind me of those first months when Jack still slept in our room, I still ask myself "did we really have sex with a a baby next to our bed?" You do what you have to do!

Terresa said...

Love the thoughts here, oh, how they resonate.

Mwa said...

You have a bit of the perfectionism going there? I know it well. Watch out you don't start to malfunction from exhaustion. On Friday, I took Charlie to the creche, came home went straight to bed for four hours then picked him up again. So much for gym - shower - health food - pretty makeup - wonder mama. Just zzzz.

previous next