i keep surfacing into the world, more real each time. further from bullshit. everything is exciting like this. when i am thinking and feeling all there is to learn and do i feel thrilled to be alive. the magic is fully in the moment but aware of all that lays untouched around me. somewhere between a grand adventure and the peace ms. moon talks about in the microcosm. we are the cell of a leaf and the entire breadth of the galaxy at once. i am full of swirling fluxing ideas and dreams and thoughts and emotions. here are some things on my mind.
tattoos i can't wait to get another. on my back, i have Lola and Dakota's name in a blue star. now i want to add Ian and Ever, and i'm thinking of getting something smallish on my upper left arm or maybe behind there. i feel like if i get a beautiful tattoo there, i will feel stronger and magical. like Wonder Woman's armband. Mr. Curry thinks it's sexy. bonus. also, picking what to get is the most fun thing in the world. i have an idea and it's thrilling me to my toes
ever's first birthday party i am planning it. i think the theme is Forest Animals. i just want some cute decorations and invitations, an owl shaped cake and close family and friends, and great music. Lola is helping me. :)
our roomate that just moved out, quite unplanned. i'll tell you that story, soon. wow. for those of you going 'you have a roomate!?' yes, we did! i've mentioned it here and there. it has really helped financially, but now it's over.
halloween Lola is an Egyptian princess, Ever is a pink piggy. can't wait.
mr. curry's birthday september 17th he'll be my age now. he always teases me about being younger than i. ( can you believe that's correct English? no one says that. i'm trying to make myself but i don't think i can. ) for his birthday i'll remind him why i need a younger man to keep up with me. :)
romance i feel ridiculously romantic lately. i keep hearing Peter Gabriel's song and thinking how it perfectly describes mr. curry and i. ' i get so lost sometimes / days pass / and this emptiness fills my heart / i get so tired / working so hard / for our survival / i look to the time with you / to keep me awake and alive ' yes, yes, yes. this story reminds me of Mr. Curry and i. i have told him the last thing i want to hear before i die is his voice.
mr. curry's new job after a long haul he's gotten a new job with better pay and a better, happier situation for him for various reasons. i'm SO happy for him, happy for our family, happy to see us moving forward as a couple and as a family. we are a good, hard working team and i'm proud of us for that. he starts this coming week! :)
recommitting to parenting i feel like i forgot everything i knew. i don't know what happened. somehow getting Dakota through 15-17 almost killed me. ( gee. wonder why. he's doing AWESOME now, by the way :) and then having Ever and then and then and then. and somehow i ended up like this: what do i say when Lola won't stop talking again? that doesn't kill her self esteem? because she neeeeveeerrr stops talking. ever. and it's the age, the boys did it too. Nine is a hard age for me. they are just all over the place. boing! crash! boom! and they talk the whole time. and Lola, unlike the boys, realllly pays attention to see if we are carefully listening. with the boys, they were content to be allowed to ramble. but Lola is a girl. she must be HEARD. can't imagine where she gets it from. just stuff like that. i feel zapped of all creative parenting. i plan on reading a few old and true books that are amazing ( Dr. Sears, Becoming the Parent You Want To Be are two ) and maybe making a few signs to put up for myself. to remind myself, to refocus when i'm distracted...which right now is always.
my writing career is going along steadily and well. i'm making a small amount of money off Flux Capacitor which is awesome, and i have a huge blog redo ( long overdue ) in the works, and i've gotten hired for another freelance job. i can't reiterate how much we need this money, and how satisfying it is to see my hard work pay off.
planning our future life trips to take, what kind of area we want to move to, what our future house will look like, how i would decorate it, what we will do when Lola hits middle school, family travel, Dakota turning 18 next June (holy), Ever is crawling and thinking of her walking and hearing her sweet voice talking for the first time someday, where will Ian go to college and what kind of scholarships can he get, those kinds of thoughts.
giving back there is a woman i know who has metastasized breast cancer, a husband and two small children. i mentioned her here a year or two ago. she's almost on the last chemo she can use, and the cancer is in her brain, bones and lungs. she's still working full time. holy. i think about her all the time, and am at the moment trying to come up with an idea to raise money for her and her family in the next two months. last time i did this we just took donations. this time i'm thinking of trying something else. any ideas? links? experience?
What's on your mind these days?
