Friday, July 12, 2013

take that and rewind it back

weeks are tumbling by in a chlorine haze of swimming, hiking by the creek, playing on the slip and slide, clusters of neighborhood kids on our porch and in our house, movies in dusk, hot days and warm evenings and a cold cold beer after the littlest is asleep. Lola spent three days at her Curry grandparents house with her cousins Reef and Jake, about an hour away, and Ever was happy but definitely, obviously missed her. that picture of Ever laying sprawled on the floor with her toys, and the telephone in her doll house? that was part of a half hour phone conversation she had with Lola while Lola while gone. she put the phone in the doll house and every time the phone fell over, she's scold in a concerned voice ' Lola I told you not to hurt yourself!!' and pick the phone back up. She also put the phone in a buckle belt to eat, and in her toy car and pushed the car saying "Lola now you go to Starbucks." Lola said she could her the wheels of the car rolling. That last picture of the doll picnic is the girls at my mom's house. Ever is really growing fiercely fond of Grandma M. now that she is older, and spending more time with her. Whenever someone comes to the door she shrieks GAMMA MIMI!!! and throws the door open, rudely looking entirely crestfallen at the person at the door who is not her Gamma Mimi. life is going by so slow and so fast that sometimes i have the perception that there are actually two time continuums, and although we only acknowledge one, we experience both in our bodies and soul. One is the river of physical time, the other our brain processing. For me, when I am very sad deep inside this way, time is like a river. On top of the river, I am burbling along, cleaning constantly, writing, working, lugging the kids all over, swimming, feeding, all of it- but underneath, my heart is thick, slow, sluggish, and time runs haltingly, afraid of what it will run into in the eventual. i give my utmost concentration to being in the moment, because it takes all of my juice to do so. i will never forget the way this time feels, the smell of Ever's neck, the glint of her two colored eyes reflecting sunlight in the pool, putting sunblock on Lola's brown back, listening to the neighborhood kids shriek in laughter, wet towels on our porch, laundry endless, dishes endless, the pages of old books turning at night, the clack of flip flops on the hot concrete, the rocky burble of water in the creek as I warn Ever against falling in. 
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