Lost at Seasick

Hello friends! I'm here and doing well, but very very VERY sick. The nausea ( thank you Bee for your tip, now I can spell this word ) is constant, unrelenting, day and night. I tried a medication that the midwife/nurse prescribed over the phone but it made me feel 'buzzy' and sleepless and that can't be good for Baby, so I tossed that.

Things We've Tried For the Rolling Pregnant-Sea
acupuncture bands ... did nothing
saltines ... help control it
seltzer water ... help control it
ginger tablets ... threw up three times, no go
not rising from bed till nibbled crackers .... no help
b vitamins .... can't tell
preggo tea ... in short, NO

I am consumed by my body. Life is about working, resting, sleeping and paying what attention I have left over to my family. I haven't been able to look at the computer screen without throwing up, and the last few days I finally found I could read a nighttime book without getting sick. My stomach burns, rolls, churns, heats up, sighs, heaves, purrs. It does everything but be silent and still. I have a noticeable baby bump. I feel dizzy at times, flushed with heat and then cold, and already I feel the slightest push of pressure on my pelvic area. My urine is darker, my nipples darker, my breasts tender and slightly larger. I am at work, sick and keeping face, I am at home on lunch break throwing up, napping and racing back to work, I am at home at the end of the day while Mr. Curry makes dinner and I help Lola with homework. Last night I ate some chicken and then tossed it all up when Mr. Curry made the daring move of bringing butter to the table.

I can feel the creativity evaporating. I have no words or stories or desire to communicate much, just the slow steady thrum of getting through each day, submitting to my body, trying not to worry too much that I can't keep Baby's vitamins down. Poems hang unfinished in my computer files, clusters of poems left unsubmitted, my email 400 messages, my novel untouched. I have no sex drive. My puss lays silent and observant, aware that the gig is up and we've been penetrated and conquered. I am tired, and dreamy, and afraid of things I won't name less I make them true. I am waiting patiently for the earthquake in my body to subside so that I can feel anything else. Joy lies under the surface, tempering all of this. Lola sings to the baby at night. Dakota is affectionate and protective. Ian is sweet and gentle. Mr. Curry is perfection, doing everything, helping, supporting, excited through and through to have our baby.

Our first OBGYN appointment is May 8th. We will find the due date.

I miss you all.

xo
maggie may