Monday, December 13, 2010

Lola and Ever

11 Days Old

Mr. Curry pulled Lola's twin sized mattress out and placed it next to our Queen sized mattress, which sits on the mattress support but has no headboard or bedrails. We squeezed ( Mr. Curry is we ) in painting the room a medium-dark blue before Ever was born, and with all the incredible cozy fluffy blankets and pillows, the beds next to the blue walls, the television propped at the end of the bed on my old white wicker trunk, we have our own nest. Ever sleeps next to me away from the cloud of blankets on the other side of me, I only use one blanket for her safety, and a small pillow. She wakes through the night to nurse and falls back asleep. After one night where I never fully woke and changed her and she pooped up to her fuzzy duckling hair, I make sure to get up at least once and change her halfway through the night. We fall asleep with Harry Potter playing on DVD as a soother for all of us. Harry Potter, especially the first few, is very comforting. Lola is the one sleeping to the side of me, while Mr. Curry sleeps on her twin sized mattress on the floor. In a few days or so, we will transition her to the mattress on the floor.

No baby has ever been kissed and cooed over more. All the kids are wonderful with her and love her completely. I took Ever for our first solo outing to Starbucks the other day and she did wonderfully. Mr. Curry gave me a set of 'rules' for helping with the anxiety and one of them is to get out of the house every day, to walk Ever in her stroller or take a trip with Mr. Curry and the kids after school pickup to the grocery store.

Lola really struggled after seeing me in the hospital. We did not prepare her for what I would look like if I had a CSection, we just completely dropped the ball on that, and she left crying her eyes out the first time she saw me, my face extremely swollen from the three bags of fluid pumped in me to keep my blood pressure stable, the large IV on top my hand pumping morphine, the tubes in my arms, the tape, the hospital ID tags, and even the strange smell of me as all the anesthesia seeped from my pores. For the first few days we were home she was terribly anxious and sad. I did the best I could, Mr. Curry did better, and we used all the tools we could think of- play, exercise, attention, thought direction. My mom reminded me to use silliness and laughter to help Lola reverse that feeling, and her advice was spot on. We are keeping her busy and she has gotten much better the last few days, back to her old self, until this morning she saw a Full House episode where the littlest girl was afraid of her dad dying in an earthquake. Lola called me from her school to remind me about a form I needed to sign, and when she couldn't get ahold of me ( I was getting wipes at Target ) began crying in the office. They called Mr. Curry and he talked to Lola for ten minutes, but couldn't get her to stop crying. Finally I got a hold of Lola and spent quite a while talking to her about how feelings aren't reality, to replace the negative thoughts in her head immediately with true, good ones, etc etc. I hate that she has this problem, inherited from me. Anxiety is much more common in women and tends to run in families. It certainly has in mine.

Lola is an amazing big sister. She picks out outfits for Ever, brings her the pacifier, rocks her seat when Ever begins fussing, holds her, talks to her, sings to her, draws her. I am so proud of Lola's enormous heart and sensitive spirit.

Mr. Curry is jack of all trades right now, working and then arriving home anywhere from 12-2 or 3pm, to go shopping and get me and the kids out of the house, then do housework, make dinner, and hold his baby girl. He is an amazing and loving Dad and has been 100% supportive of me as I work through this hormonal and chemical cocktail. His face, voice and hands steady me like nothing else.

Ever is sleeping in her swing right now. She's an angel.
Vashti said...

I am just so happy for you. They are both so beautiful. I know you are going to have the best Christmas ever. Lots of love. x

Unknown said...

What gorgeous sisters they are! I am glad to hear that things are going better. Your sleeping situation sounds very similar to ours. Lola is in the bed with me and Chris is downstairs because he can't sleep with my pregnant snoring. I am hoping we can successfully transition Lola to her toddler bed or at least a bed in our room once Owen is here :) I love the updates!

Elisabeth said...

It is a hard, however joyous time, this adjustment to a new life. Take care.

krista said...

i also think that airing the anxiety out makes it a bit less strong, yes? waving it in the air so that it might escape a bit in the wind and dissipate.
or at least that's what i tell myself when i'm feeling overanxious.

AmandaJo said...

So glad to see more words from you. So glad you're doing well. Your sweet girl's increased anxiety is a natural reaction to the new addition and how things are changing, I bet. You guys are so supportive, though, she'll be just fine. What an incredible family you are.

37paddington said...

Oh Ever is going to have the best big sister. You can see it in these pictures. Such lovely girls, and already bonded. Something about Lola's hands, the way she holds her sister, just beautiful, very moving.

Mwa said...

A comment just won't do for me just now. I wish we could sit down at a kitchen table and talk about all this. The anxiety, the talking, the birthing and hospital experience. That strange smell as the anaesthesia goes!!!

Your baby is beautiful, as is Lola. I love how alert Ever is looking already, as mine always did. So reassuring and beautiful.

Marion said...

Awww, what sweet photos!! My girls were born 6 years apart and I still recall what a little mama the older one was. She thought her sister was a real live baby doll.

Lola will be fine. It's good that she's voicing her feelings. You're so lucky to have such a supportive, wonderful husband. God bless Mr. Curry!!

Elizabeth said...

And so are you. And so is Lola. Angels, you three.

And you are so sweet and thoughtful to write and bring us news -- I come here nearly salivating for those photos!

Ms. Moon said...

The beauty just strangles my heart, Maggie. And it is hard, being a mama to a newborn AND an anxious big sister. Very hard. And you are doing it very well, I am sure. Look at those two rose girls of yours. Both buds at different gorgeous stages.
Maybe Lola is going through a little postpartum anxiety herself and it, too, shall pass as she sees that all is well with her mama and her sister.
Tell Mr. Curry I am proud of him!

24 Corners said...

Nothing beats silliness, laughter and love! Ever is a very blessed little girl to have such a big hearted - big sister, and...she looks soooo much like you!

Praying peace for Lola and lots of continued sleep and rest for you and the whole family!
xo J~

Anonymous said...

Well, Lola is lucky that her mom is so skilled and thoughtful about helping her with her anxiety! And Ever looks like a true angel with her big sister!

Caroline said...

Like I always say, you are one good Mama!

Something tells me this will be one very special time at your house this holiday season. Lola and Ever both are angels. What a gift.


tiffany said...

Being one who suffers from horrible anxiety, debilitating at times, my heart just aches for Lola... What a beautiful big sister with such a genuinely loving spirit, I wish it was enough to ease her heart ALL of the time.
Big hugs to all of you and thanks so much, once again, for sharing with all of us and always keeping things real.
P.S. I adore all of the pictures but that third one just does me in :-)

SJ said...

Lola reminds me very much of me as a little girl. You are doing such a good job with her, and all the right things. Mr. Curry sounds like a superman, and I'm so glad you have him.

I like to fall asleep to HP too. I really do. Soothing to me as well.

Vodka Mom said...

when I brought sassy home, I left them alone for ONE minute. Sassy was screaming and bitchy was in the corner. She had bitten her so hard on the leg, I think there is STILL a scar.

And now? They are best buds.

the pics are to die for.

I'm Katie. said...

How wonderful of Lola! She sounds as if she is doing great. You were busy with your own preparations- I hope you forgive yourself for forgetting to prepare L. You're being sensitive to her and that matters much more than anything else you could have done or could do now.

By the bye, Ever has a spitfire sparkle in her eyes! Just looking at her makes me grin. What a delight. :)

Drax said...

Awwwww. Good things. Good news. Thanks.

Annie said...

The top photograph is so beautiful, Lola making of herself a cocoon of safety for Ever, and I can visualize your love making a cocoon of safety for both of them. Mr. Curry is a superman! Best wishes for all of you. Thank you for keeping us posted.

Petit fleur said...

Sweetie Lola Moon! What a grand big sister she is.

Mr. Curry is right. The only thing that really saved me from becoming a complete lunatic was taking Harley to a lake in town which has a side walk around the perimeter and a coffee shoppe and other little shoppes all around. We'd go and I'd stroll and stroll him around the lake. Then I'd get a coffee or something. Lots of other moms go there too, so you can have camaraderie if you want it... or not.

So glad you're feeling better and better. Lola will too.

cara. said...

thanks for your kind words and congrats on your new little babe.

Lydia said...

The time got away from me and suddenly Ever is in the world! So many congratulations hugs being sent via this message. Congratulations to your whole family. (((((hugs))))))))

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Glad that Mr. Curry is such a help to you. He is a great guy.

The photos are lovely.



Bethany Susan said...

i'm so happy you all are doing well in your little nest. and that you're getting outside at least once a day.

the thing you said about feelings not being reality stirred something in me. i believe feelings are the language of our soul- they let us know at any given time how connected we are to our source energy. therefore they are not to be ignored or discounted but heeded, as one heeds traffic lights- the red ones aren't as nice, but without them there would be chaos. if we feel bad, we know we are thinking or doing something that does not agree with who we want to be. if we feel good, we know we are in alignment.

wow, this just turned into a ramble. sorry, i don't want to preach at you! i guess i needed to get that out, so thank you. :)

Jeanne Estridge said...

Lola is very lucky to have a mom who knows how to help her deal with her anxieties. Can you imagine how much easier your life would have been if you'd learned to cope when you were a kid? I think I was in my 30's before someone thought to point out the vast divide between feelings and reality. And I wasn't anywhere near smart enough to figure it out on my own.

nfmgirl said...

It looks like you have a little Mama in the making there! I have a feeling that she will be hovering over Ever throughout her life, always ready to fulfill her needs when Mama and Daddy are otherwise occupied.

Give everyone hugs and kisses for me!

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