Lola and Ever

11 Days Old

Mr. Curry pulled Lola's twin sized mattress out and placed it next to our Queen sized mattress, which sits on the mattress support but has no headboard or bedrails. We squeezed ( Mr. Curry is we ) in painting the room a medium-dark blue before Ever was born, and with all the incredible cozy fluffy blankets and pillows, the beds next to the blue walls, the television propped at the end of the bed on my old white wicker trunk, we have our own nest. Ever sleeps next to me away from the cloud of blankets on the other side of me, I only use one blanket for her safety, and a small pillow. She wakes through the night to nurse and falls back asleep. After one night where I never fully woke and changed her and she pooped up to her fuzzy duckling hair, I make sure to get up at least once and change her halfway through the night. We fall asleep with Harry Potter playing on DVD as a soother for all of us. Harry Potter, especially the first few, is very comforting. Lola is the one sleeping to the side of me, while Mr. Curry sleeps on her twin sized mattress on the floor. In a few days or so, we will transition her to the mattress on the floor.

No baby has ever been kissed and cooed over more. All the kids are wonderful with her and love her completely. I took Ever for our first solo outing to Starbucks the other day and she did wonderfully. Mr. Curry gave me a set of 'rules' for helping with the anxiety and one of them is to get out of the house every day, to walk Ever in her stroller or take a trip with Mr. Curry and the kids after school pickup to the grocery store.

Lola really struggled after seeing me in the hospital. We did not prepare her for what I would look like if I had a CSection, we just completely dropped the ball on that, and she left crying her eyes out the first time she saw me, my face extremely swollen from the three bags of fluid pumped in me to keep my blood pressure stable, the large IV on top my hand pumping morphine, the tubes in my arms, the tape, the hospital ID tags, and even the strange smell of me as all the anesthesia seeped from my pores. For the first few days we were home she was terribly anxious and sad. I did the best I could, Mr. Curry did better, and we used all the tools we could think of- play, exercise, attention, thought direction. My mom reminded me to use silliness and laughter to help Lola reverse that feeling, and her advice was spot on. We are keeping her busy and she has gotten much better the last few days, back to her old self, until this morning she saw a Full House episode where the littlest girl was afraid of her dad dying in an earthquake. Lola called me from her school to remind me about a form I needed to sign, and when she couldn't get ahold of me ( I was getting wipes at Target ) began crying in the office. They called Mr. Curry and he talked to Lola for ten minutes, but couldn't get her to stop crying. Finally I got a hold of Lola and spent quite a while talking to her about how feelings aren't reality, to replace the negative thoughts in her head immediately with true, good ones, etc etc. I hate that she has this problem, inherited from me. Anxiety is much more common in women and tends to run in families. It certainly has in mine.

Lola is an amazing big sister. She picks out outfits for Ever, brings her the pacifier, rocks her seat when Ever begins fussing, holds her, talks to her, sings to her, draws her. I am so proud of Lola's enormous heart and sensitive spirit.

Mr. Curry is jack of all trades right now, working and then arriving home anywhere from 12-2 or 3pm, to go shopping and get me and the kids out of the house, then do housework, make dinner, and hold his baby girl. He is an amazing and loving Dad and has been 100% supportive of me as I work through this hormonal and chemical cocktail. His face, voice and hands steady me like nothing else.

Ever is sleeping in her swing right now. She's an angel.