Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Post Partum Anxiety

Hello my friends. I am not able to post as I had expected. I have developed postpartum anxiety. I have had to increase my zoloft to 100 which I had so much hoped not to do. I talked to Ever's pediatrician at her follow up visit and she agrees zoloft is the safest drug for breastfeeding moms but still who wants to take a drug when they are nursing their beautiful baby. I am praying and hoping for it to work and am not sure how long to expect to wait. I think I feel maybe 20% better than I did a few days ago. This alternate world that my chemical makeup is forcing me to live in is horrible. I am afraid all day. Of everything and nothing. I tremble and do my breathing excercises. Mr. Curry is my rock. I am doing the best I can for my children. That is the focus of my world right now, to hold it together for my kids. I love my baby girl so much and hate having to spend my time wrapped in this horrible feeling. I can barely write these words. Thank you all for your loving comments on Ever in the last post. She is an angel and all the kids are wonderful with her.
She Looks Like a Mom said...

Just keep breathing, lady. Even though you don't want to be on the meds, you're doing the best thing by continuing to take them. Post partem aside, it's a rough time of year for all of us. You're doing great!!!!

Maggie May said...

thank you sweet girl. thank you.

my mom bought me SAME to take as well which will come Thursday. I'm hoping that helps too.

Mel said...

Hang in there Maggie. I'm hoping things get better for you soon. This should be a happy hazy time for you and your family, so I hope the medicine does the trick. Postpartum depression is a bitch. Hope you're sleeping well, and don't forget your vitamins. Thinking good thoughts for you...

Dari said...

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this during such a blessed time with new baby Ever. Do what is best for you and know that all of us are here to support you. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Lots of hugs coming your way!

Angella Lister said...

hold tight, dear maggie may. the universe kindly had dakota finish up his program before ever's arrival. your family is in a good place and you are in the embrace of love, all around you. i hope you will soon be able to feel it, too. rock with it. it will pass. and as much as you can, gaze into your children's faces. sending love to you.

clearness said...

You do what you need to do. It's a rough time; recovery, missing sleep, adjusting to the new normal. It all takes time. Take it one day at a time and if that's too much take it one hour at a time. You'll get through this. You have a beautiful family cheering you along and all of us.

Allison said...

Take it moment by moment; you are not alone and I hope the zoloft starts helping more. :( blog hugs from a blog lurker.

Ms. Moon said...

The Zoloft will kick in. All will be well. I promise you.
Believe me because it is true.

Still Life With Coffee said...

She is so beautiful and so are you! I'm so sorry you are going through this terrible stuff. All my best thoughts and wishes are being sent your way. Lots and lots of love.

krista said...

hey lady....
just sending you love.
so. fucking. much. love.

Kori said...

I just send good vibes for the Zoloft to kick in soon. Sending hugs.

YES Gallery + Studio said...

Keep breathing. Keep going. This too shall pass - and SOON. xo

Magpie said...

Be well, sweetie.

Kim said...

I felt the same way after my second child was born, but did not get help b/c I didn't really recognize it. I'm so happy you have and that you're getting help. I wish I had much sooner b/c it really affected those early weeks with my little guy. Ever is so very lucky that you're being proactive about this. {{{HUGS}}}

Josey said...

I'm so sorry you're struggling with this Maggie. Hang in there - for you and for your beautiful children.

Marion said...

Oh, Maggie! I remember the horrible, crippling anxiety (and stark naked FEAR) I experienced with the births of both of my children. (We were poor, young and stupid and not 1/20th as prepared as you are now!!) It was crippling and there was no Zoloft back then. Like someone else said, I just kept breathing, trusting myself and taking it in small baby steps. Giving birth is HUGE and is very stressful...not only on your body, but also mentally. It's perfectly NORMAL to feel very anxious.

Hang in there. This, too, shall pass. Trust me, you and Ever will do just fine. Please be careful with the Zoloft and breastfeeding. Sending you hugs, prayers and blessings,

~Marion

RottenMom said...

Oh Sweetheart, I am sending you my love and prayers. You will make it through, just take one day at a time. XO

tearful dishwasher said...

Maggie-


You will be fine. Ever is fine. More than fine. Mr. Curry will keep being there for you, and all of us out here in make-believe land will keep bombarding you and yours with well-wishes and psychic calming baths.

or something like that.


peace be upon you.


yrs-


tearful

Julia said...

Well that stinks! You take care of that anxiety, though. It doesn't go anywhere good, and the hormones make it worse, and that little girl needs you.

Glad you're doing the meds; it's far more important that you stabilize than that you have to switch to plan B. Good for you for addressing the issue EARLY.

Hugs.

Rachael said...

Postpartum anxiety and depression can be really crippling. I hope you find relief in medicine and are feeling yourself soon!

Hugs to you. Your daughter is beautiful.

Lissa said...

I had crippling, completely irrational anxiety after I gave birth. My doctor put me on bio-identical progesterone cream, and it changed my life. I plan to start it again as soon as my next baby is born in April. Just a thought.

Brigindo said...

I'm sorry you're suffering at this time. I hope the meds quick in soon and you have some peace to enjoy Ever and the rest of your lovely family.

As always, we are out here pulling for you..

tiffany said...

Peace wrap it's self around you and envelope you in tranquility

Sara said...

God, i know this anxiety, Maggie, and it's awful and suffocating and pulls in the horizon of your world until it chokes. What I told myself, during my own post-partum depression, was that if it were my child suffering, I would of course want him to take Zoloft or whatever meds might work; you are as loved and beautiful as those beautiful children. The bell jar will lift; don't believe it when it presses against you and insists it's here to stay. This bad animal isn't sneaking up on you; you see it, you've named it, and you're pushing back. Good for you, Maggie. You're doing a goddamn good job.

Drax said...

Oh, BABE. Wish I could help. Jesus. Hang in there. Breathing is good. Focus on the breathing. Yours and Ever's. When things get this freaky/nasty it might be a good idea to unsheath the big sword, the one ring, the wave motion gun, the whatever it is and whatever you need to reduce the demon/angel to its true form, call it by its name, "Illusion." (Yes it works both ways, but for right now let's use it to give the creepies their marching orders.) There is no terror in Ever's breath, you know, no anxiety in that perfect little chest. You're going to be okay. You and your baby and your family and Mister Curry are going to be okay. You're going to be okay.

starrlife said...

Hang in there Maggie- it's always hardest when we get hit during a time when we feel like we "should" be happy. There are no shoulds- there's just our physiology and we are often at it's mercy. You will come out the other side and have a wonderful time with Ms Ever for many years to come! Hugs...

Bee said...

I hope the baby-love endorphins (and the zoloft) help you kick that anxiety to the curb.

Warmest congratulations to you and all of your family. I'm so happy for you all and relieved that you've had a safe delivery.

controllingaspicyuniverse said...

You beautiful, strong woman...sending love your way.

katiecrackernuts said...

You are brave.
Repeat. I am brave. Be brave. Repeat.

a work in progress said...

((((hugs))))

be gentle with yourself

Corinne said...

Thinking of you lots... breathe and be well...
xoxo

Hannah Stephenson said...

So sorry to hear this. Hang in there. Congratulations to you and your family.

Caroline of Salsa Pie said...

Hey Maggie, this same thing happened to me with Oliver (my latest little baby). The first few weeks are the hardest with hormonal changes and lack of sleep. Hang in there. I promise things will get better. It's hard to see when all those emotions come down like a tidal wave, but it does get better.
You are in my prayers--I promise that too.
Being a mom is something, isn't it?

About Last Weekend said...

Hang on in there! What a tough thing you're going through...

svasti said...

Not that I want to get all solution-mode on you, but do you guys get homeopathic drops in the US? Here in Australia we have this marvellous stuff called Bush Flower Essences and there's one called Emergency Essence. Whenever I'd in the grip of anxiety, I suck it down frequently.

Anyhow, glad you and Ever are home and safe. Keep on doing what you're doing - I'm sure its going to all work out just fine.

I second the comment about a rough time of year in general!

Trina S. said...

You are an amazing mom for taking care of yourself. I too suffered from PPD and it stinks big weenies! I tried Zoloft.... it worked but I still had depression, I take prozac, old school med and it really helps! My daughter is two and I am so grateful I had a Dr that was watching me and helped take care of me so soon. You are doing great to do what ever it is you need to do to be healthy. Stay strong and just know, this too shall pass.

SJ said...

I am thinking of you, always. Wishing I could cuddle up Ever, and cuddle YOU up, too.

Lovely World said...

Congratulations and all the best to you. I am sorry to hear that you are so uncomfortable. Our hormone cocktail is not always what it is cracked up to be. Sleep, sleep, sleep. When ever you can. That can only help you through this. And not sleeping will make it all the worse (I learned the very hard way...)

Annie said...

Dear Maggie,
You are strong, strong, strong, and you will get through this. Do what you need to do for you and Ever. You have your family and Mr. Curry, and lots of love and good wishes sent your way by everyone here. If your medicine needs to be increased, and you can't breast feed, that will be okay, too. Your baby is beautiful and healthy. Wishing you good endorphins, and peaceful feelings. Sending love...

amber said...

You're an amazing woman.

penelopelife.com said...

Sending love and mama hugs and all wonderful things.

Things always seem challenging when you're in the middle and don't see the tunnel out. You'll get there though. xx

liverwortlaura said...

holding you in the light

Sarcastic Bastard said...

Maggie Dear,
So sorry to hear that you are struggling. You are very loved. Hang in there.

SB

Allison the Meep said...

Love and hugs and peace and everything good to you.

xoxo.

All This Trouble... said...

Yes. Psychic Calming Baths. I wish those for the masses.

It WILL get better. IT WILL!

deb said...

sending hugs,
hope the meds work very quickly

Chaos and love said...

understanding, compassion and love. It will be ok. Love, love, love. If you need anything...................................................
Happy Mr. Curry is there...

Elizabeth-Flourish in Progress said...

Hi mama, I'm so sorry that you are going through the anxiety.

I am sending positive thoughts and prayers your way and for your lovely kids and the wonderful mr. curry.

You've Got to Be Kidding Me said...

I'm thinking of you and sending positive thoughts. Hang in there, girly. Hope those meds kick in soon so you don't have to deal with these bad feelings for long...

Evangeline said...

Routing for you Maggie. Hang in there. Take the meds. Do whatever it takes to get better.

Lots & lots & lots of love to you and Ever and all your tribe.

Petit fleur said...

Adjustments are hard, there is no getting around that. You sure have had your share this year.

Baby steps. (Pun intended!)

You're gonna be fine. Just fine.
xoxo pf

AmandaJo said...

It'll be okay, sweet Maggie. Your babies are safe, and so are you. It'll be okay.

Ida Mae said...

just keep on keeping on. You are amazing and wonderful! Postpartum is so hard on some of us (it was a mess for me with my thyroid/and ppd) Maybe your thyroid medication is off? When I asked how I would know if the doses was wrong for me, she said severe anxiety would develop. Worth checking into?

But be gentle with yourself!
ox hugs!
~Ida Mae

girlintheroom.com said...

Maggie, I had the same thing after the birth of my baby girl. The zoloft did the trick and I nursed too. I was afraid to take it and waited too long to start. I know that you are going to be feeling better soon and that feeling will lift. I am thinking about you.

Collin Kelley said...

As the old saying goes - this too shall pass. And it will. Hang on to what you got (as my dad always says) and you'll come through. Can't wait to see and hear more about Ever. xx

Elizabeth said...

By the time I'm finished writing this, you will, I imagine be feeling better. I just know it.

Love and peace to you!

thais. said...

oh my dear,I feel for you and hope that everything will be bright and safe soon :)

Freida Bee, MD said...

So glad you and Ever are safe and in good hands. She is beautiful and it is very understandable that, hormones aside even, you might be worried considering what you've been through.

I had Zoloft help me with anxiety and incidentally PTSD, quite well. I already see from your next post you're feeling better and i"m glad, dear. Much love to you and your beautiful family!

Middle Child said...

Just hang in there - take each day as it presents and be kind to yourself - sounds like you have a good bloke there...who loves you dearly as you no doubt love him. Things will be okay - sounds trite but usually that is the case.

Jaye Ramsey Sutter said...

Praying for you and Ever and your beautiful family. There is such beauty here, such peace. Keep talking to your doctor, talking about the anxiety and yet talk about the peace and beauty because it is so there--look at these photos. That is real, too.

Praying for peace, less anxiety, blessings....

previous next