1 Saying could you.... followed by mundane daily household chore. Notice I said daily. You'd think anyone else could pick up on that. Or maybe no one else minds overflowing trash cans that the dogs will inevitably get into and drag across the floor or piles of dishes that bear all kinds of maggoty flying creatures. Maybe my family actually wants the creators of Hoarders to call. Maybe they'd like a little free publicity. Maybe they see an Anthropologie shoot in the shades and shadows of crowded dirty plates and cups, a sweet modern family life photo op? Who am I to judge? I'm just Rosie Robot. Ritchie-would-you-move-so-I-can-dust-this-vase?
2 I'm the CEO of this company called Curry and Family. I go to work pregnant, sick, stressed or otherwise, and mostly, my job gets done. I have a co-CEO named Mr. Curry. He works hard under all kinds of circumstances. What I'd like to know is why no matter how much we do, how hard we work, how balanced we attempt to be, it's never enough? I'd also like to know who decides it's enough? Is it really me, like you all are going to say, or is that a joke between women, who really know that the deciders are the teachers, the neighbors, the kids, the bosses, and everyone else who wakes up in the morning and goes You know what? Maggie May Ethridge is just not doing enough, and today is the day to let her know.
3 I haven't shaved in a week, including my pits, which never happens. I desperately need a hair cut, some third trimester pregnancy clothes, and this.
4 What about this? It makes me afraid for the future, sad for now, upset- What am I supposed to do about it? How come they never include that in the headlines? I use natural cleaners and products. That's all I can think to do. Is that ENOUGH? Is that....all there is.... take it away, Divine Ms M.........
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Some couples don’t ask much of one another after they’ve worked out the fundamentals of jobs and children. Some live separate intellectual and cultural lives, and survive, but the most intense, most fulfilling marriages need, I think, to struggle toward some kind of ideological convergence. Norman Rush
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I hear you .......and completely understand. At least in my own mind I understand.
The "could you" that plays in my head is: "could you get off your arse and do something - anything - just get off your damn arse."
You are currently making an entire person inside your body. Anything else you do - anything - including shaving - is frosting on the life cake.
(I've taken to wearing sunglasses inside when the house is really messy. It dulls down the mess a little.)
I used to have the Peggy Lee version of that song on a mixed tape (ha!) my brother made me. I love that song.
I also totally get it. Number 2? Beyond get it.
I totally understand. But there's a person grown in you, there comes a point when you just have to cut yourself some slack.
I'm with you on all three, Maggie. Particularly the movie clip. I remember seeing that movie for the first time and honestly thinking it was the most erotic movie I'd ever seen -- I still remember the simple pinkie touch in the car between the Jane March character and the lover. OOOOOOOOO---
I hope you get just a bit of improvement in all these areas. Hang in there. And I'm thinking we out here in bloggerland should perhaps have an early baby shower for you? What do you think? You could have a wishlist -- money, objects, clothes, etc. -- I'm happy to organize if you're into it...
I'd say that wrangling a family and growing another member kind of makes shaving just not an huge priority. Cause I'm on that train too. Six days and counting. Pits included. (scraaape)
Cheers to you, and here's hoping we both get a bit of...that....at the earliest possible opportunity!
DITTO!!!!!!!
Ah, I don't know which point to agree with more hon, you've put it all down exactly as it is, even if it is not how it should be.
1973 and my friend Larry comes over and brings The Divine Miss M on album. Yes. Album. "Listen," he says and I do. My life is changed forever. And what Lisa PR says? Yes. YOU ARE CREATING LIFE!
Hang in there! you're an oven, ovens are complicated!
It could be worse, Maggie. Me and my broken leg, count our lucky stars and still I'm feeling miserable but not quite is that all there is?
When I was a little girl, my parents had an 8 track tape compilation and one of the songs on it was Peggy Lee singing "Is That All There Is?" Maybe I would have always been predisposed to melancholy, but I'm sure it's not a good idea for a 4 year old to regularly listen to that song. The other day, my 12 year old said, "What is the point of always struggling and working so hard?" (She was doing her chemistry homework in my study. She was assigned stacks and stacks of homework over the summer.)
Well. I'm not much inclined to Calvinism, but I've got to believe that there IS some point to the unceasing struggle of just-everyday-life. Do it as well as you can; that's all you can do.
I'm responding to your first point, because I've been spending a lot of time in the mind-frame lately. All Old Dog has to do is offer the tiniest suggestion that I could do something differently, more thoroughly and I jump down his throat with both feet.
"Oh," I snarl, "you don't think I'm doing ENOUGH????"
I love it that he's so patient that this doesn't escalate into a full-blown fight. I'm less crazy about the fact that it also fails to inspire him to help. (Although he did bring in the laundry yesterday while I spent 6 hours painting at his daughter's house so our grandchildren would stop being afraid to sleep in their room because the knotty pine paneling looked like eyes staring at them....)
Love you Maggie.
I can't remember if you went off your meds or not, but sounds like. When I was preg with Harley and went off of mine, Ms Moon had to remind me that I was off of them and worried incessantly... and that would sometimes calm me. Knowing that maybe what I was worrying about was a result of my brain not having the extra help it was used to... PS Love that song!
I haven't watched the clip yet (but I will). It's not just you in this situation. I sometimes think I worry about small things and let them consume me because at least I can do something about the small stuff.
It's hard not to feel complete and utter futility in all we try to do.
Sometimes.
And sometimes we feel ok. And magical.
sending some magic your way, Mama Maggie May
xoxoxo
Mr. Curry took care of the 'this' last night. He laid it DOWN.
xo
I know how you feel. But wow, when there are people like Tony Thompson out there changing the face of farming, it sure gives one a renewed sense of hope. Now if we could just put some of his heart (and smarts) into the rest of the community.
thanks for sharing that...
Maggie Dear,
Thanks for linking the CNN article on responsible farming. I found it fascinating. I borrowed it and gave you a hat tip over at SB. Hope you don't mind.
I love you, and if you can figure out what else we can do, please let me know, too.
Love you so,
SB
Oh my goodness, that bone-crushing exhaustion of pregnancy. There is nothing like it. Hope the lay-down has reduced the stress.
I've been on your blog for the last 30 minutes reading all of your previous posts... I LOVE them! You're my kind of girl :-)
oh, Maggie.
The Peggy Lee version was sent to me by an a cousin when I asked him one time about my father' s suicide.
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