The Importance of Being Impermenant

So here I am in 1977, with my 'bulldodder'. Most beloved toy. Stopping Mom at construction sites and screaming 'BULLDODDERS!' It's a surreal thing to look at pictures of yourself as a young child, a slap in the face of time, a reminder of impermenance- not only for everything around you, as we are more comfortable understanding, but the impermenance of you, yourself. I am still here, in 2009, but where is she? The one with the scraped knees and chubby elbows? I have two friends from this time in my life who are still my friends- Julie and Heather. And my cousin, Amalia, who grew up with me, and my sister, Lura, who I haven't seen in seven years, not since right after Lola was born, and she left with only a hand drawn picture of a baby on an arm to remark that she had known my baby girl at all. These girls were the girls of my childhood- the 'rabbit girls' I refer to in my poetry. When I see Julie with her son Gavin and her husband, house and new breasts (!) I look into her freckled face and see not only her, as she is now, but more of a sister's eyes, a mother's eyes, the eyes that see you simultaneously as three, thirteen and thirty. And I can see reflected back in her blue eyes, the image of myself as an adult woman, married with three kids, and this little girl, clutching her favorite toy, a familiar stubborn look across her face. I am enamored with the idea of the importance to human beings of a 'witness'*- hence the title of a recent poem I posted here about marriage. We need someone to watch, to observe, to see what happens to us. Sometimes the most important thing you can do for someone is to state out loud what you have seen. This is part of why I love and adore biographies so much, especially in truly skilled hands, they are, at best, a compassionate, honest witness to a life. Dave Eggers has become truly skilled at this kind of story telling ( I can't wait to read his latest, about a family in Katrina ) and his first, and most famous book ' Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius ' remains most of all his witness to the deaths of first his father, then a year later his mother, both from cancer, and the account of Eggers at 21 suddenly thrust into a single father role, raising his pre-teen younger brother. Whenever I'm asked ' What are your favorite books? ' this one always is on the list. The raw telling of the truth of a life is fascinating and so important, for reasons I cannot entirely articulate, but know to be true, and very true in my own writing as well. I expect the themes of witness and impermenance to resonate through many of my poems as they are throughout my novel.

On that note I think I'll make a list of the top of my head of some of my favorite biographies, and why not, autobiographies.

1 Middletown, America by Gail Sheehy ( the stories of a few post 9-11 widows )
2 Savage Beauty ( the life of Edna St. Vincent Millay, the famous poet ) - fascinating, brilliant.
Truly a shining star in in my library.
3 Don't Let's Go To The Dogs Tonight by Alexandra Fuller ( an African childhood )
4 First, They Killed My Father- forgetting author...I dare you to read this without weeping.
5 Death At An Early Age by Jonathan Kozol ( a teacher in inner city black schools turned
writer and advocate )
6 The Big House author I'm forgetting- but this book is a true gem. The kind of book you
dream about stumbling on, the one you've never heard of but are absolutely charmed by
and fall in love with.
7 Eleanor Roosevelt by Blanche Cook ( this series is astonishing in it's ability to combine
scholarship with juicy storytelling and politics all in one. i've read the series twice
and can't wait to let time pass and read it again! )
8 The Glass Castle ( memoir of a fucked up childhood, but with an intellectual and forgiving
eye and ear, really good writing )
9 Running With Scissors by Augusten Burroughs ( awful childhood, disturbing & hilarious )
10 Operating Instructions by Anne Lamott ( heartbreaking and funny, something about it
just gets to you and stays that way, the first year of a single mother's life and Lamott's
most popular work to date )

xo- looking forward to reading all your blogs this Monday morning. I'm home with Lola who is feverish, sore throatish and sick to stomachish. My boss is unhappy with me. I had to make one of those calls you hate to make to work, where I'm like ' Yeah she is suddenly really sick the day before I come back to work on a three day vacation ' and I was so upset thinking she was thinking I was lying I assured her I was not! To which she cleared her throat and hoped Lola would feel better. Oye.

* remember that movie with Harrison Ford and Kelly McGillis- Witness? And that really hot Amish in a barn scene? And did you know McGillis came out as gay in the last few years?