Breeched

Hi!

Ever is breech. She wasn't at the 35 week checkup. I know when she flipped too; I was lying on the couch watching TV alone one night, Mr. Curry and the kids asleep, and suddenly there was a flurry of activity low in my pelvis. A bundle of nerves, wiggles, punches, and then the feeling of an entire human being circling, moving like a small Pacific wave toward the shore, bringing a great feeling of sickness and I stood- thinking I was going to vomit- just as she went still. That little upside down Ever-cake.

A version is scheduled, which I can cancel if I like, for 37 weeks, this coming week. Come in as if you are going to have her, the doctor told Mr. Curry and I, because occasionally version triggers labor. Acupuncture has been suggested and worked for my SIL, but after looking at the budget is not an option. So pelvic tilts, and deciding on version yes or version no. The thought of a C-Section ...

Meanwhile back at the farm, Dakota lost his temper yesterday and punched a hole into the door between our kitchen and hallway/living room. This is the fourth or fifth? hole he has punched into this house. The program we are doing has given us all great movement forward, but nothing is fixed overnight, and he is 16, still getting used to life without ever being high, and still has some deep and hard things to work through internally, as well as managing the formidable stresses of being a teenager in high school and the social pressures and decisions that come with that. One of the suggestions from the group leader, Lady D, ( who we all just love- she is an amazing person with an amazing story of redemption herself ) is that Dakota get a part time job to pay for the hole. I agree he must find a way to give restitution, but I'm not sure if that can be it. He has to be held accountable for his actions, but I don't want to make it impossible for him to be successful, and adding a part time job on top of the pressure of full-time school- which is a great challenge for him, more than our other kids, the sitting, the structure, the amount of kids, the organization- might be a pressure cooker. I have asked around but the other mothers I talked to whose sons punched holes in their walls- which was more common than I would have thought or liked to think- didn't have their sons do anything beyond apologize, which isn't enough, either. Dakota is not disrespectful in general, either, it's not a complete attitude problem or some chip he has against all adults. I always hear how respectful, thoughtful and intelligent he is from adults he comes into contact with, and at home he's not out of control with other things, like his mouth or attitude. It's this sweeping rage that comes over him a few times a year, where he is so angry that for that moment he just doesn't care about the consequences of a hole in the wall. I can't walk him through that, he's got to decide for himself it's totally unacceptable, but I do have to require some kind of restitution, some natural consequence. He has to turn himself. No longer an infant I can acupuncture or lay hands on to hold him, not yet a full grown man, the strange in between land of the short teenage years.

Ian is so busy keeping up with his life that I think Ever's impending arrival must hardly seem real to him. Football practice is four days a week, and then he has hours and hours of homework and projects because he is in the Seminar program. I'd be fascinated to know his IQ. I know, I know... but still! He's so incredibly smart, in such a school way- so organized, focused, self disciplined and motivated internally to succeed, great memory- and achieves such enormous success under such stress and pressure, that I think his IQ must be extremely high. Ian, like most unusually intelligent people I've met, did not ever have natural and easy social skills. Even as a toddler he was terribly introverted, shy and awkward around people, even his own extended family. Elementary school was so hard for him, and he went through a great deal of bullying and then turned into the bully himself for a period, began getting into constant trouble at school, while maintaining his grades still. Our intelligent young man- who is reading books like They Rained Fire Down From The Sky and Moby Dick- has slowly found more confidence but the world of public school has brought a hardness, a mean streak, to his joking exchanges that make me sad. I wish public schools could find a way to get a grip on the social beat downs that go on throughout the grades, especially in later elementary and middle school. I would not go through three years of middle school again for a million dollars. Really. I wouldn't.

Lola's week has been better! She's been doing the deep breathing at school, and listing things off to herself in her head to remind her that life is good and that anxiety is a feeling, not a reality. We've given her a number of things to look forward to, so she can turn to daydreaming about them when her mind is repeating a negative loop. I brought a friend of her's home for a playdate after Girl Scouts yesterday, and she spent the entire time giggling and creating a 'love song' with J. It was so good to hear her being a nutter.

And...I washed the first batch of Ever's baby clothes, the NB to 3 months, a full load of just the most adorable outfits you've ever seen. We have so many 0-3 outfits I think we could easily clothe twin girls! I am so excited to meet her. Turn, baby, turn!