Tuesday, May 3, 2011

The Universe Flash-Mobbed Me And All I've Got To Show For It Is This Lousy Smile

Yesterday I was assaulted by the Universe. It shoved a big love wad right in my face when I was trapped in my hot, black car, helpless before the festival of goodness and joy.  ( or wait, was that the Universe or Mr. Curry? Bad jokes are awesome. )

Look people. I tried to be pissed. Everyone IS really pissing me off. I tried to STAY pissed! It's not my fault!

So I'm driving in my car cruzin down the street in my six-four / knocking the bitches / slapping the hoes / lookin for nothin in life but to be legit / but don't quote me boy / cuz I ain't said shit  with Ever in her car seat and sweaty soft baby skin all pinked up like a little piggy in the heat. Ninety. Hot! My man Ceelo Green comes on the radio, so I turn it up and start car-dancing. Singing too. I'm turning the car left onto the main road of Lola's elementary school, looking at the same mom I always see pulling her youngest in a red wagon on her way to pick up her kid when it begins: The day my life turned into a musical. 

drivin round town with the girl i love / and i'm like / forget you STAGE RIGHT waiting for his turn in traffic, I see a big burly trucker in his moving truck smiling, bobbing his head and slapping his large square hand on the hothothot side of his truck, with Ceelo Green blaring from the radio.  

i guess the change in my pocket wasn't enough / ain't that some shit  STAGE LEFT a mom in a pink tank top with her hair in a messy bun and a Starbucks water cup in her hand is moving her head and smiling to the clear musical notes of none other than Mr. Green forget you / and forget her too

why? oh whyyyyy STAGE CENTER FRONT the car in front of me contains a tiny fragile person with a tiny fragile hand that pops out of the window and CLAPS TO THE BEAT OF CEELO GREEN !!!! i love you / i love you / whyyyy

I drive stunned and silent into the parking lot, put the car in gear, and sit in stupid wonder at the enormity of what just happened to me.

PEOPLE! I waited THIRTY SIX years for my life to become a musical!!!!!!

Next I'm going to have a dance off with a rude barista.  Pretty sure I'll win. Did I ever tell you about the time I danced with Justin Timberlake? I did? Oh. 
clearness said...

I very recently blogged about how that song starts out great but the whiny crying frantic part drives me bonkers. So I totally gave Cee Lo Green a big thumbs down.

Caroline of Salsa Pie said...

It sounds awesome! I will keep waiting for my real-life-musical moment to happen!
LOVED this.
xo

Elizabeth said...

I generally hate musicals, but when they star you, I'm loving it!

See Kate run. said...

*GASP!* That is a moment I look for, in vain, every time a catchy song comes on my radio. Ooo, that's awesome. :D

Shana said...

In my brain picture of this moment, you are dressed like Giselle walking through the park in Enchanted (is that the nameof that movie? With Amy Adams?)

Also? >>>Did I ever tell you about the time I danced with Justin Timber lake? I did? Oh >>>> bwahahah!!

xox

Darcy said...

the fact that it was that song on such a hot so. cal day is just kinda perfect. like bad ass.

michelle said...

THAT is hysterical!

xoxoxo

Petit fleur said...

You funny honey! I love this!

Dance on momma.

xo

Josey said...

In a VERY bizarre twist of fate, I was watching "The Voice" on DVR and the contender was singing THAT SONG while I read your post. Weird.

K Soucy said...

This is so cool! I too choreograph songs absentmindlessly hoping for a musical to break out. Hasn't happened to me yet you lucky girl.:)

C.M. Jackson said...

loved this!!made me smile and turn up the volume!! cheers!!

Mwa said...

WoooooooW! That is too amazing.

trashcanhead said...

Why are so many baristas rude? I work at Starbucks, and it bums me out, man.

I've been reading your blog for a while, kind of shy to comment, I don't know why.

I had a baby on November 6th, and I've been reading along since... I think since you found out you were pregnant with ever. I am friends with Allison the Meep.

I really relate to so much of what you have to say, and your writing has a way of touching my soul.

Sometimes, I want to write to you things about how you're not alone, and I feel the same way, and I read about when Ever was sick, and I was still on my maternity leave, and I cried and cried as I read it.

I'm sorry the barista was rude to you the other day.

Also, I love it when I notice someone walking down the street to the same beat of the song I'm listening to, but it's never anything like this. Glad you got to smile.

swonderful said...

ahhh, this is wonderful! once i saw one person singing the same song i was singing in their car-- elvis costello's every day i write the book. that felt magical too. we really are all the same in some ways.

Maggie May said...

Trash can congrats on your November baby :))) I am a November person myself :) Thanks for your words and support...every time anyone says ' i can relate ' or any version of that, it makes life that much easier, you know?

Phoenix said...

Um. Awesome.

My musical would be a musical comedy, in which everyone just notices that I'm singing away in the car by myself. I'm glad you at least had backup!

Annie said...

Like trashcanhead, I love it, too, when people out on the street are moving to the same rhythm as a song I'm listening to in the car. My life hasn't become a musical, though, even though I sing in the car- that is so great, what you described!

Glimmer said...

I want to hear about dancing with Justin Timberlake...

previous next