Sunday, May 1, 2011

She's Six Months, I Feel Six Hundred

Bordering manic, prone to episodic flights of joy and terrifying plunges into delusional thinking, a bit squishy around the middle, geared toward the mundane and repetitive, inspired by stink and muck and sneaky fucks in the night, often covered in various fluids of various colors, lacking most social charms and any intelligent conversing, unaware of current events- in fact living in a vortex of absorption that leaves out the rest of the human race to the degree that is might or might not be a good idea to operate a motor vehicle or shop at Target, periodically can be found weeping, talking to self, muttering, laughing hysterically, mooning over random pockets of fat on small people, drooling on chin, waking with a start and clutching own breast, apologizing profusely for clumsiness and forgetfulness bordering on a diagnosis, carrying an expression of extreme dullness and stress, slightly underfed and under-showered, not suitable for public gatherings of any import.

Wanna date?
katiecrackernuts said...

You are one funny mumma. And. No.

Ms. Moon said...

Of course!

Elizabeth said...

Well, I'm receiving messages from my Trader Joe's merchandise (see my blog today), so we might make a wonderful pair. :)

Maggie May said...

ps
'sneaky fucks in the night' is the name of my new band

Jeanne said...

My younger sister waited till she was 38 to have her first kid, 42 for the second. All her life she was perfectly dressed, made-up, coiffed--until that second kid came along. It cracks me up to see her sans make-up in stained clothes, not even a smidge of tan.

I never even thought about the sneaky fucks in the night.

silverfinofhope said...

I think it was when my son was around six or seven months that I started to feel like a new sort of normal/sexy. The days before that were puffy and ornery and bizarro. And of course I'd date you!

Johanna said...

<3!

Eva said...

just found your blog and am really loving it, and your writing style :)

http://bottleblack.blogspot.com

Caroline of Salsa Pie said...

HA!!! Love it. You nailed it actually--the way we all feel with teeny little ones about!

Darcy said...

shit. don't i know it.

i second this awesome mess we're in :-).

See Kate run. said...

*le gasp!* We're made for each other.

Also, Sneaky Fucks in the Night is a perfect band name; Sex and Spandex was the name of my band before my son. Now it's probably MomPants.X)

Amanda said...

I love all the things you say. I'd date you, but only because I'm just as bad.

Petit fleur said...

You have a band?? Wow!

emily wierenga said...

LOL... oh wow. LOVED this!!

Bethany said...

you betcha!

Lone Star Ma said...

Absolutely. And that is the world's most perfect band name.

anymommy said...

Hell yes, I do. xo.

Lauren Knight said...

LOVE this! And yes, a new band name for sure!

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