Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Member of A Secret Society { Wherin Breastfeeding Mothers Are Heroic and Good, and Babies are Not }

Participants:
Ever Elizabeth, 1 year old.
Maggie May, 36 years older than EE.

Applicable Quote:
" Don't hate the player, hate the game "

Tools necessary for implimentation:
Milky breasts, hungry baby
Location:
All

Time:
Any

Reasoning:
Health of infant ie brain development including nervous system including emotional structure based on affected hormones 
Health of mother's breast tissue ie tissue protected from hormonal aggressors during period of breastfeeding ending in smaller possibility of breast cancer ie possible protection of ovaries
Bonding between mother and child
Emotional development of infant
Because that is the way it's done in our family

( Applicable quote from my deceased Grandmother Elizabeth:
' Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer ')

Pros:
Deep abiding connection between infant and mother which delves into a primal biological satisfaction of meeting the life need of infant
Love
Also; availability, lack of cost, portable.
Health ( see 'Reasoning' )

Cons:
Availability, portability, accessibility. Destruction of all boundries during times of crisis: ie: serious teething, illness, stressors in which infant demands breast. Pressure to be totally groovy with breastfeeding at all times. Pressure to continue breastfeeding. Pressure to stop breastfeeding.  Teeth. Discovery of infant, while nursing, of other breast, with pincer like fingers; the concurrent obsession of infant with pinching, as hard as humanly possible with fingers the size and shape of small, delicate baby pig sausages, the unoccupied nipple. The further discovery of said infant of the ability ( and apparent burning desire ) to pull nursing nipple outward as far as humanly possible with miniature, razor sharp teeth until a siren like wolverine howl emerges from the mother, followed by an unceremonious dumping of said infant onto floor with a stern admonishment, followed by infant not giving a shit.


Applicable Quote:
' Why does mom drink so much?  '

Possible Outcomes:
Scarring
Bonding
Deepening love
Health
Savings
Weaning
Triumph of motherly stockholdings of future guilt inducing statements: ie: ' You wrecked my tits, get your damn ass in the car, NOW! '


Ms. Moon said...

You know, I nursed all of mine FOREVER and for a woman my age, my breasts are not so bad. Or so I think.

Petit fleur said...

Oh God the teeth stretching nipple thing~ Harley used to do that and it is horrid! Yes, we are champions.

I love the last bit about "You wrecked my tits get your ass in the car!" Beautiful.

Love you Maggie,
pf

K Soucy said...

And it's all so true!! I nursed my four and loved it(mostly). Truely the most demanding hardest thing I have done to date, but something I am so proud of and still to this day (youngest 10), miss. You go Maggie and keep up the good work.

Barb said...

Hilarious. Especially the pinchers and razor sharp teeth and howling in the Cons section. I'm right there with you right now. Funny to read this today after reading about how bringing breastfeeding back to Sesame Street (which was not a big deal in the 70s) is controversial. Great post that so many of us can relate to.

Allison the Meep said...

HEH! Too true.

Audrey will be 2 in February and I am SO ready to wean her. Except that she's a total boob hound and would probably be one of those kids that breastfed until she was 7, if I let her.

My poor nips are so abused and tired. And oh, god. The long boobs. 2 pregnancies + breastfeeding for nearly 4 years = loooooong boobies.

Kristen {RAGE against the MINIVAN} said...

Oh, the pinching. THE PINCHING! I had a sense-memory induced shudder just reading that.

lesliesholly said...

Very, very funny and right on target about the occasional hostility even the most dedicated nursing mother feels from time to time. I think I have nursed babies for about 12 years out of my life, and there were some truly terrible times (epic thrush battle, for one), but it remains my favorite part of having a little one and I miss it.

Darcy said...

needed this today...we are currently weaning babe on the slowest humanly possible schedule. BUT I am so ambivalent and have such mixed emotions. We are getting rid of one nursing session a month (he currently nurse approx 3x per day) and last night was the first night I didn't nurse him to sleep and after Dave laid him down and came to tell me about I literally cried for about 45 mins. I need a break from nursing, and would like to wean him by 18 months to get ready for the next one, but I had no idea I would react so strongly of the possibility of the nursing relationship ending. I totally get nursing till they're four and beyond :-)!

Steph(anie) said...

Babies are not [heroic and good].

Hahahahahahaha. Love it.

Laura said...

Love this. And so very true.

Jeanne said...

Our little one is growing up!

anymommy said...

Priceless. The biting. ARG. And that last line, I might frame and hang in my kids' room.

Laura Lee said...

Yeah, once the teeth come out (or IN)...

Vita Artista said...

Gaaaaaaah!!!!! Not to mention that your breasts look like walnuts in a gym sock when all the nursing is done . . . I mean, er . . . at least, that's what I've HEARD. Of course MY post-children boobs don't look like that.

Arianne said...

I just like the word "pincer".

Caroline said...

I've nursed all four and my boobs are not as bad as you would think. Maybe that's because I really have no boobs! I'm still nursing Oliver--he's 16 months now...he loves some boob. He's a boob guy.

p.s. I am loving all the comments. I get constant pressure to wean Oliver but I'm not ready and he's not. True, I probably shouldn't be nursing him in the middle of the night so much (?) but it works for us.

jb said...

Ok Maggie....this was lolol. Love the way you repeated the word "teeth" and "pincer"(awesome word). Happy to read your blog. You just made my day thanks.

Huggs
JB

Lauren Knight said...

Ha! I'm with you, lady! And we must not forget the old scratch-pinch combo done to the entire chest area, leaving momma with horrid scratch marks all over the neck/chest area. Ah, the beauty.

bbmowery said...

Oh God the horrible pinching. I hate the damned pinching.

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